Welcome to the all important and ever dangerous weekly Abflats post. Today, we have churros. We actually don't. That would be amazing, though. Churros are the best. I mean, have you read about their foreign policy? It's fairly stable. Anyway, we don't have any. No matter how good they are, we have absolutely none. We will be, however, voting for them in the coming presidential election. Not the one for the United States, though.
GOLF is a game that many people across the world play. There are many misconceptions about GOLF, however, that I thought I would take it upon myself to address. It has come to my attention that many people think you require thumbs to play GOLF. This is simply not the case. You could not be more wrong in thinking that you need hands to play GOLF. If you think you need arms to play GOLF, you are sorely mistaken. Being alive to play GOLF is the classic rookie mistake. Ever existing at all is the last think you want to do when playing GOLF.
Speaking of GOLF, I heard that that the people at Abflats are starting a new photography company. This company, like the millions other photography companies, will feature photos. Most importantly, this photography company will use watermarks on their photos. The watermarks will be the name of the company in really thin, cursive text. You know, to make it look fancy and unique. This is unlike all photography companies that exist ever in the history of all.
-Griffin
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Senator Snake and Lars
Welcome back. As you may know, it's very likely that yeast will become the world's most powerful politician. That's right, even more powerful than the prime minister of Lithuania. That's like, scary powerful. I have never met a Lithuanian prime minister who was not as powerful as yeast. It's nearly unheard of that a Lithuanian prime minister would not be as powerful as the substance used in bread making.
Speaking of Lithuania, did you know that Swiss Cheese is actually made on a completely different planet? You probably didn't. Most people believe that Swiss Cheese is actually produced on Earth. They are dead wrong. Saying that Swiss Cheese produced on Earth is exactly like saying bananas exist and are not myths. It just sounds incorrect coming out of the mouth. Bananas are, of course, completely fake. They were made up by the Lithuanian government to get increased trade tariffs from tropical provinces.
Speaking of speaking of, I heard that dark navy blue will no longer be considered a color. It will instead be considered a dwarf color. My guess is that it was a lot shorter than the other colors. Most people will probably still consider it a regular color, but to the scientists it will forever be considered a dwarf color. You'll probably even go to prison if you disagree. Oh well.
-Griffin
Speaking of Lithuania, did you know that Swiss Cheese is actually made on a completely different planet? You probably didn't. Most people believe that Swiss Cheese is actually produced on Earth. They are dead wrong. Saying that Swiss Cheese produced on Earth is exactly like saying bananas exist and are not myths. It just sounds incorrect coming out of the mouth. Bananas are, of course, completely fake. They were made up by the Lithuanian government to get increased trade tariffs from tropical provinces.
Speaking of speaking of, I heard that dark navy blue will no longer be considered a color. It will instead be considered a dwarf color. My guess is that it was a lot shorter than the other colors. Most people will probably still consider it a regular color, but to the scientists it will forever be considered a dwarf color. You'll probably even go to prison if you disagree. Oh well.
-Griffin
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Grilled Chair Not Cheese
It was a sorrowful time when the Ottoman Empire collapsed. You can just imagine how many bald people ran through the streets of the world screaming, "THE OTTOMANS WILL RISE AGAIN." In fact, they do that now more than ever. The ratio of the population of people that are bald and run around screaming, "THE OTTOMANS WILL RISE AGAIN," to the general population of the world has steadily risen since 1972. Now it's up to somewhere around 28% of the population. Only 72% of the population of the planet are not bald and/or running around the streets screaming, "THE OTTOMANS WILL RISE AGAIN."
What were they thinking when they invented density? Density is the most complex and convoluted measurements that only triple Ph.Ds in Quantum Physics and Particle Theory would understand. It is the most complicated thing in the universe. Density makes every grass blade in the world look like a quadrilateral. There is nothing simple about how dense a specific substance can be.
Being on fire is not desirable. It is, in fact, much less desirable than not being on fire. There are only certain states of on fire a human can be, and half of those states are way less desirable than the other half. And I'm not talking about Wyoming, I'm talking about being on fire. Wyoming is much more desirable than being on fire. That calculation is mostly affected by the fact that one of those states has Yellowstone National Park in it. And Yellowstone National Park is desirable.
-Griffin
What were they thinking when they invented density? Density is the most complex and convoluted measurements that only triple Ph.Ds in Quantum Physics and Particle Theory would understand. It is the most complicated thing in the universe. Density makes every grass blade in the world look like a quadrilateral. There is nothing simple about how dense a specific substance can be.
Being on fire is not desirable. It is, in fact, much less desirable than not being on fire. There are only certain states of on fire a human can be, and half of those states are way less desirable than the other half. And I'm not talking about Wyoming, I'm talking about being on fire. Wyoming is much more desirable than being on fire. That calculation is mostly affected by the fact that one of those states has Yellowstone National Park in it. And Yellowstone National Park is desirable.
-Griffin
Thursday, August 27, 2015
Send Me the Bill, Like the Clinton
YOU thought I forgot about the post for today, didn't you? WELL I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU. I don't actually have any news for you. That was my news. The news I had planned for you was actually to tell you that I did not have news to share with you. There is no news here on this website. If you see any news at any time, please call your local fire department. You will not get in trouble for calling them about the news you saw. They will be completely okay with coming to your house because you saw news on this website. It is absolutely appropriate.
Welcome to the second paragraph of the Abflats post, may I take your order? If you answered yes, then you win. But in a much more real sense, you completely lose. There's nothing to be gained by winning here at Abflats. The only possible outcome is cyanide. Like the deadly chemical. That's the only outcome. If you won here, your computer would print out cyanide. It probably wouldn't harm you unless you really wanted it to, but it's cyanide nonetheless.
How would you like your glass cooked? That's something that is not said often at restaurants that serve hamburgers. Literally all restaurants that serve hamburgers do not serve glass. Glass is an inedible object. If you ate glass, you would probably die. Not because glass is poisonous or anything, just because it's sharp and pointy. I mean look at it, it's glass. Free the loafs.
-Griffin
Welcome to the second paragraph of the Abflats post, may I take your order? If you answered yes, then you win. But in a much more real sense, you completely lose. There's nothing to be gained by winning here at Abflats. The only possible outcome is cyanide. Like the deadly chemical. That's the only outcome. If you won here, your computer would print out cyanide. It probably wouldn't harm you unless you really wanted it to, but it's cyanide nonetheless.
How would you like your glass cooked? That's something that is not said often at restaurants that serve hamburgers. Literally all restaurants that serve hamburgers do not serve glass. Glass is an inedible object. If you ate glass, you would probably die. Not because glass is poisonous or anything, just because it's sharp and pointy. I mean look at it, it's glass. Free the loafs.
-Griffin
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Let's Do 10:40 AM Lunch
To quote the real Ben Carson and absolutely not fake Chuck Schumer Ben Carson, "I'm actually black." It's nothing known to many people in the fact that Ben Carson, being black, is not white. He is not a white man. That's like running an obstacle course and breaking both your legs. Just doesn't work. Or if Hong Kong hosted the 2019 Plant Olympics. That is, the Plant Olympics featuring events such as: the fern hop, dandelion 100 meter relay, growing oak trees from start to finish, and the hornets' nests are not plants race.
If you've been following along so far, you probably study philosophy. You probably work for a company that spends all its money on hit man assassins instead of lawyers. "Buy our product, or we'll kill you," they say and then get sued. They don't have lawyers to help them in court. All they'll have to look forward to is prison and loft beds definitely not covered in liquid hot magma.
Do you ever just break glass tubing into the palm of your hand and then continue shoving it deeper into your flesh for a safety instructional video? I know at least four people who have done that. That's a lot considering there are like seven billion people on earth. That's like .000000000571% of the people. I'm sure all of them support the Communist Chinese Red Siamese Cat Organization. Otherwise known as CCRSCO.
-Griffin
If you've been following along so far, you probably study philosophy. You probably work for a company that spends all its money on hit man assassins instead of lawyers. "Buy our product, or we'll kill you," they say and then get sued. They don't have lawyers to help them in court. All they'll have to look forward to is prison and loft beds definitely not covered in liquid hot magma.
Do you ever just break glass tubing into the palm of your hand and then continue shoving it deeper into your flesh for a safety instructional video? I know at least four people who have done that. That's a lot considering there are like seven billion people on earth. That's like .000000000571% of the people. I'm sure all of them support the Communist Chinese Red Siamese Cat Organization. Otherwise known as CCRSCO.
-Griffin
Thursday, August 13, 2015
CHOI vs SORROWCHAMBERtm
There was never a time in the history of the entire planet of the Earth that plastic cups could talk. Seriously. Never. There was never a point where they could do that. None. Not even one point ever. Absolutely zero. Not one point in the history of the universe. Not a single one. None at all. This is an extremely known fact, as well. This is all just terrorism. Plastic cups not talking is extreme real terrorism.
More birds can talk than plastic cups. That said, you have no way of knowing if it's real or not. According to quantum physics, we're all chocolate pudding. No, I don't know the details behind it, I just know that we're jiggly and pretty good. Besides, have you seen pudding? Not bad when you consider that we're humans. It's much better than being bears and dust particles. I imagine that when bears found out that they were actually dust particles they were extremely disappointed.
There's nothing I love doing more than buying debt. Debt is by far the best investment someone could ever make. It's like paying money to have less money than what you used to pay. It's great. The possibilities are endless in the debt market. You could sit there and watch your bank account turn red, read the back of a box of trash bags, literally anything. 41 local locations, all of them being in the sewer.
-Griffin
More birds can talk than plastic cups. That said, you have no way of knowing if it's real or not. According to quantum physics, we're all chocolate pudding. No, I don't know the details behind it, I just know that we're jiggly and pretty good. Besides, have you seen pudding? Not bad when you consider that we're humans. It's much better than being bears and dust particles. I imagine that when bears found out that they were actually dust particles they were extremely disappointed.
There's nothing I love doing more than buying debt. Debt is by far the best investment someone could ever make. It's like paying money to have less money than what you used to pay. It's great. The possibilities are endless in the debt market. You could sit there and watch your bank account turn red, read the back of a box of trash bags, literally anything. 41 local locations, all of them being in the sewer.
-Griffin
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Carl the Pigeon
Have you ever noticed that basically all government official vehicles are black SUVs? Of course you have. We can only assume that the government uses black SUVs because of their durability, and cheapest color. But, what if the cheapest color of vehicle was bright, neon pink? How would governments around the world look driving around in bright pink convoys. That would probably solve the world debt crisis.
If you knew the difference between copper and bagels, you could have no possible way of determining your mundane sun-hat. That said, let's consider, for a moment, the amount of commas, if I may, inserted in this comment. There could only be one logical answer to our question. It's probably another question. We tend to use bad interview tactics when answering our own, inner questions.
Bar graphs have never done any wrong towards anyone. Bar graphs have the purest soul there is. You can always trust a bar graph with your credit card information, health insurance details, and even your social security number. Bar graphs would never misuse any of your personal information for individual gain. Your life is safe with bar graphs.
-Griffin
If you knew the difference between copper and bagels, you could have no possible way of determining your mundane sun-hat. That said, let's consider, for a moment, the amount of commas, if I may, inserted in this comment. There could only be one logical answer to our question. It's probably another question. We tend to use bad interview tactics when answering our own, inner questions.
Bar graphs have never done any wrong towards anyone. Bar graphs have the purest soul there is. You can always trust a bar graph with your credit card information, health insurance details, and even your social security number. Bar graphs would never misuse any of your personal information for individual gain. Your life is safe with bar graphs.
-Griffin
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