Could you imagine the best time to get a souffle? Maybe. Really, anytime just seems incredibly inconvenient to get one. Out of all the things that can be cooked for consumption, souffles just seem like the most annoying to deal with. Sure, bison probably aren't easy to get from roaming in the wild to on your dinner plate, but I'd much rather go out with a giant gun than put a souffle in the oven. Might as well go on vacation while you're at it, too. No rhyme or reason to justify making a souffle.
What if you were watching a typical scary movie where the setting is your typical demented rural house that was built in like the 1940s and is haunted by some typical satanic cult that was murdered here by themselves because typically satanic cults do that. There typically would be a scene with a lady, who has been quite frightened for the entire movie, because of course she just bought this perfect family fix-er-upper home out in the country, yet she has no idea what is happening because she just thinks all the screaming and footsteps in the attic are pipes rumbling, walking down a dark hallway with a very small candle, because any light sources that make sense don't exist in these kind of movies. The camera would probably be pointed at her face with complete pitch blackness behind her as she walks really slowly with the candle light. Then she stops and the music stops and then the camera quickly switches to what's in front of her and it's a Boeing 777 jumbo jet. Her house was haunted by a 1995 era commercial airliner this entire time, and not the family that murdered 20 people in the house that her kids had done research on at the local library with that news paper turner computer thing that only exists in the movies. The perfect movie.
In reality, Boeing 777's can really only sit about 138 people. It's not a great plane when you consider cars. Cars are much easier to drive than planes. I mean, sure planes are millions of dollars to own most of the time, but I guarantee you that more people would own one if they just replaced the cockpit instruments with a steering wheel and a tachometer. The airline industry would really boom then. That's how to fix the economy.
-Griffin
Thursday, April 16, 2015
Thursday, April 9, 2015
Is a Pet Ground Legal
You probably understand that it is incredibly for the types of Borgmann in order for a grape city the kind that produces glass. You know, like Detroid. It's like Detroit only it has more than a $10 budget. Have you ever just ordered some mozzarella sticks and then not been able to get them because they were all out of those mozzarella sticks and then just started crying? Of course you have! It's completely normal just like talking to trees is normal lots of people do it there's no need to be ashamed.
Studies show, and scientists confirm, that cats can speak Spanish once, or sometimes twice, a month can speak Spanish. You see, this phenomenon happens during full moons. Cats speaking Spanish happens when the moon is on the other side of the Earth from the sun. They cannot, however, speak Spanish during lunar eclipses. They can't see the moon then, and they get confused. It makes them very unhappy when they find out later that it was just a lunar eclipse and not their bank going bankrupt.
If you're like me, then you probably own four or five pairs of lizard storage tanks. These tanks come in handy for when you need to store a lizard in a location designated by where you place said tank. It's extremely helpful if you want to build a house, but find a lizard on the location of where you want the house foundation to go. Really, you just put the lizard in the tank, and then stow it away under the stairs or in a closet somewhere. Don't worry, it will be fine. Just give it thirty cans of fried flour each day.
-Griffin
Studies show, and scientists confirm, that cats can speak Spanish once, or sometimes twice, a month can speak Spanish. You see, this phenomenon happens during full moons. Cats speaking Spanish happens when the moon is on the other side of the Earth from the sun. They cannot, however, speak Spanish during lunar eclipses. They can't see the moon then, and they get confused. It makes them very unhappy when they find out later that it was just a lunar eclipse and not their bank going bankrupt.
If you're like me, then you probably own four or five pairs of lizard storage tanks. These tanks come in handy for when you need to store a lizard in a location designated by where you place said tank. It's extremely helpful if you want to build a house, but find a lizard on the location of where you want the house foundation to go. Really, you just put the lizard in the tank, and then stow it away under the stairs or in a closet somewhere. Don't worry, it will be fine. Just give it thirty cans of fried flour each day.
-Griffin
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Growth Bob
Anytime it would be acceptable to drop hand made atomic bombs onto your neighbor's house, would be precisely zero. That would probably never be appropriate. Like, you wouldn't just make your neighbor mad, Russia would probably get mad too. They tend to meddle into other people's business in terms of nuclear detonations. You won't like Russia when they're angry either. Putin turns into a big red incredible Hulk type of guy. He's got a hammer and sickle insignia tattooed on his chest, too.
Have you heard of the phrase, "as was to be for which a tree"? Of course you have. That's like, the most common phrase. Anytime anyone says anything ever, that phrase can be uttered and everyone in the conversation would immediately understand where you were coming from. It is, of course, a bit dated, so you won't hear it used much anymore. Everyone does know what it means, however. It's like grapes. Grapes, the word, must have been invented like four hundred thousand years ago, but people to this day know what the word Grapes means.
Are you fruit? It's a simple question and you don't need to sit there like a trash can to answer it. I mean, really, really, esquire. Esquires are like lawyers or something. I would probably try and pass the Bar just so I could officially be called Esquire. And I would use Esquire instead of my first name, too. Anytime anyone asked for my name I would just tell them "sanctions" and then the world would explode immediately with little to no pause for effect.
-Griffin
Have you heard of the phrase, "as was to be for which a tree"? Of course you have. That's like, the most common phrase. Anytime anyone says anything ever, that phrase can be uttered and everyone in the conversation would immediately understand where you were coming from. It is, of course, a bit dated, so you won't hear it used much anymore. Everyone does know what it means, however. It's like grapes. Grapes, the word, must have been invented like four hundred thousand years ago, but people to this day know what the word Grapes means.
Are you fruit? It's a simple question and you don't need to sit there like a trash can to answer it. I mean, really, really, esquire. Esquires are like lawyers or something. I would probably try and pass the Bar just so I could officially be called Esquire. And I would use Esquire instead of my first name, too. Anytime anyone asked for my name I would just tell them "sanctions" and then the world would explode immediately with little to no pause for effect.
-Griffin
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Are You a Burden
Normally, I don't start out an Abflats post with the word 'normally'. But today is different. I felt today felt like a day that felt like when you would feel like starting off an Abflats post with the word 'normally'. It's a great. So long as Hal Williams doesn't get you. Then you would be in trouble. I mean, he's almost as bad as Alabama, the state. Alabama the state is really forgetful though. I mean, just look at their nature. They haven't watered their nature in years, silly rascal that Alabama. I bet if we annexed Alabama, the people there would still neglect to water the nature. The nature needs water, Alabama, can't you see that?
Speaking of Alabama, have you seen that new double decker mustache trend? It's a trend wherein more than the usual number of people can be seen wearing double decker mustaches. What double decker mustaches are is really very simple. Imagine a normal mustache on someone's upper lip, and then imagine another normal mustache right above that one, also on someone's upper lip. It's just two mustaches one on top of the other. They're pretty neat except for the foul odor that it produces that still baffles scientists.
It's really a mystery as to why buildings need to be purple. In reality, you would expect buildings not having to be purple. I assure you that they do in fact need to be purple. You may be saying, "but I've seen buildings that aren't purple before." You may be right, however, you have not considered the fact that you maybe don't know your colors. Purple is a mixture of red and blue with generally more blue than red. It's sometimes called violet by people who I don't like to associate with. You should learn these things.
-Griffin
Speaking of Alabama, have you seen that new double decker mustache trend? It's a trend wherein more than the usual number of people can be seen wearing double decker mustaches. What double decker mustaches are is really very simple. Imagine a normal mustache on someone's upper lip, and then imagine another normal mustache right above that one, also on someone's upper lip. It's just two mustaches one on top of the other. They're pretty neat except for the foul odor that it produces that still baffles scientists.
It's really a mystery as to why buildings need to be purple. In reality, you would expect buildings not having to be purple. I assure you that they do in fact need to be purple. You may be saying, "but I've seen buildings that aren't purple before." You may be right, however, you have not considered the fact that you maybe don't know your colors. Purple is a mixture of red and blue with generally more blue than red. It's sometimes called violet by people who I don't like to associate with. You should learn these things.
-Griffin
Thursday, March 19, 2015
How Did You Know I Studied Plant Logic
If there's one thing that I know, and I'm fairly certain that I know more than one thing, it is that there is of course. Without it, there would be no. And that is something, as a society, we cannot afford. We cannot afford there to be no. If there were no, then there wouldn't be any. Can you imagine none? Probably too incomprehensible. You just cannot fathom how little. I'm really sorry that you had to experience April 7th, 2005. That was a really horrible time for everyone involved. It was all my fault and I am not sorry I mean I am sorry.
Lake shows are a lot like gun shows. Some organization, typically the National Lake Association, will rent out this large warehouse or civic building, and have people from all over the area bring in their lakes so people can look at them. It's really great. They have a special conference in Chicago which lasts forty hours. There, people are given a chance to bring in the Great Lakes. It's truly a sight to behold. Like, imagine elephants sitting on a coffee table. But instead of an elephant it's a giant body of water. And instead of a coffee table it's a warehouse or civic building.
Tortillas are the worst people around. You try to have a simple conversation with them, and they just sit there being round and flat. What jerks those tortillas are. I heard that they even support the Nazis. It's a drastic measure for the tortillas to get attention, but truly startling nonetheless. I hope you read this, tortillas. You need to stop it. You're just making fools of yourselves. Please do not continue your dumb style of life.
-Griffin
Lake shows are a lot like gun shows. Some organization, typically the National Lake Association, will rent out this large warehouse or civic building, and have people from all over the area bring in their lakes so people can look at them. It's really great. They have a special conference in Chicago which lasts forty hours. There, people are given a chance to bring in the Great Lakes. It's truly a sight to behold. Like, imagine elephants sitting on a coffee table. But instead of an elephant it's a giant body of water. And instead of a coffee table it's a warehouse or civic building.
Tortillas are the worst people around. You try to have a simple conversation with them, and they just sit there being round and flat. What jerks those tortillas are. I heard that they even support the Nazis. It's a drastic measure for the tortillas to get attention, but truly startling nonetheless. I hope you read this, tortillas. You need to stop it. You're just making fools of yourselves. Please do not continue your dumb style of life.
-Griffin
Thursday, March 12, 2015
We're Looking for Not Bridges
If your name was Dwight, I mean come on. Come ooooooon. COM AOOOOOOON. That's not your name. There's nothing really more to say during this Abflats post, so I will just simply fill the rest of the space with sentences and words. If you cannot breathe, don't try. Why waste your energy on something you can't succeed at? Don't waist it either, because that's not a verb. Silk worms are about the same as regular worms except they were produced in a factory China. They're also polyester, not real silk.
What does a physical number look like? I mean, like a real number? Not the amount of something there, I mean the number itself. What do they look like? What do they smell like? Do you think number five smells like berries? Maybe thirteen smells like detergent. Maybe the government is getting all these smells for berries and laundry detergent from their secret number farm in South Dakota. We should demand Obama tell us about the number farms. Us, as tax payers, deserve to know where our smells are coming from.
What if it was raining so hard that the entire atmosphere turned into water, and the drops falling from the sky was actually air? That would be a magical time. I mean, what if you saw a puffer fish flying by your mailbox. That would be amazing. Puffer fish are hilarious I mean they're like living balloons. What if a child put on his Christmas list that he wanted Santa to attend his birthday party? Would the world explode? I suspect so.
-Griffin
What does a physical number look like? I mean, like a real number? Not the amount of something there, I mean the number itself. What do they look like? What do they smell like? Do you think number five smells like berries? Maybe thirteen smells like detergent. Maybe the government is getting all these smells for berries and laundry detergent from their secret number farm in South Dakota. We should demand Obama tell us about the number farms. Us, as tax payers, deserve to know where our smells are coming from.
What if it was raining so hard that the entire atmosphere turned into water, and the drops falling from the sky was actually air? That would be a magical time. I mean, what if you saw a puffer fish flying by your mailbox. That would be amazing. Puffer fish are hilarious I mean they're like living balloons. What if a child put on his Christmas list that he wanted Santa to attend his birthday party? Would the world explode? I suspect so.
-Griffin
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Determining Hip Velocity
Welcome to the time in which now is the time in which it is right now. Why yes, that is one way to skin a cat. However, I would just like to point out that you have just stabbed a watermelon, and in no way are you removing the skin on a cat. You selfish human being. You probably wear a balaclava, don't you? You're probably one of those people who showed up to science class that one day wearing a black balaclava and carrying a watermelon in one arm and a machete in the opposite hand. Then when the teacher instructs you to remove the skin on a cat, you stab the watermelon whilst simultaneously screaming, "FIRE, FIRE, FIRE." I'm sure you're definitely one of those people.
Speaking of breakfast, did you know that facts are not always factual? Yes, I'm aware of the contradiction of interests with that statement. My interests mostly pertain to used, full-sized vans, however. There's really nothing you can do except get a good deal with no money down interest rates for ninety days when buying a used, full-sized van. It doesn't even have to be a blue van. It could literally be any color of van you desire, given that someone owned the van before you. The van may even be equipped with suppression capabilities. This means that the muzzle flash, recoil, and sound is all suppressed to where you can drive the van without wearing ear protection. No, a balaclava does not count as ear protection.
Asking if there were fatalities during a mass suicide of pigeons is probably not an appropriate question to ask a four year old. Sure, they may have a small understanding of what pigeon death is, but they cannot be expected to know what the word 'fatalities' means. They may not have even ever seen a pigeon before. They could live somewhere like Nova Scotia, where there has literally never been a pigeon. There will never be pigeons present in Nova Scotia. I'll make sure of that.
-Griffin
Speaking of breakfast, did you know that facts are not always factual? Yes, I'm aware of the contradiction of interests with that statement. My interests mostly pertain to used, full-sized vans, however. There's really nothing you can do except get a good deal with no money down interest rates for ninety days when buying a used, full-sized van. It doesn't even have to be a blue van. It could literally be any color of van you desire, given that someone owned the van before you. The van may even be equipped with suppression capabilities. This means that the muzzle flash, recoil, and sound is all suppressed to where you can drive the van without wearing ear protection. No, a balaclava does not count as ear protection.
Asking if there were fatalities during a mass suicide of pigeons is probably not an appropriate question to ask a four year old. Sure, they may have a small understanding of what pigeon death is, but they cannot be expected to know what the word 'fatalities' means. They may not have even ever seen a pigeon before. They could live somewhere like Nova Scotia, where there has literally never been a pigeon. There will never be pigeons present in Nova Scotia. I'll make sure of that.
-Griffin
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