G'day to you! I am here to tell you that you don't need your feet. Feet just get in the way of things. You have to get like shoes and things for them. You have a job. You don't have time for shoes and things. Sure they make it easier for moving, but what do you think wheels are for? Rolling. That's what. If you wanted to roll, and had feet, you wouldn't be able to roll. Because feet are not round. Which means they can't roll. Let's just think about this for a second. You need arms. Arms move things like belts or waffle irons. You need eyes. Eyes see things like advertisements and waffle irons. You need hair. Hair sees things like waffle irons and freedom. Okay, I'm done with this paragraph. I had no intention on taking it any further than feet, but I took it too far. I'm done writing this.
I don't know if this is happened before, it seems like it has, but Blogspot has just underlined that entire first paragraph in red. They think, for some reason, that my first paragraph of this post is a very large word and incorrectly spelled. I cannot take this. I will have a mental breakdown. Like a car on a road only with water and a large can of tuna. What if lettuce had three flavors? That's my question of they day. Should you? No. Probably fourteen, let alone gas station. No one needs trash compacting alien boosters.
If you knew the possibilities of all the types of onion ring manufacturers, then you would have no problem at all decoding the eventual cloud commanding passwords. Then again, if you knew what the cloud commanding passwords were already, then you would have no problem at all decoding the eventual cloud commanding passwords. Because you would have already known them. Therefore, you would not need to learn them. You could act all cool when someone asks you what you think the cloud commanding passwords are, and you can like tell them the real things. Then they'll buy you a coffee and spill it accidentally. Ralph.
-Griffin
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Cabbage
I cannot believe in the slightest of time that the does cannot even go to the fourth Florida across the bacon demands it. I know for most of my posts that I address the reader in a certain way. Maybe hello, or hi, or why would you be so treeist. It varies but I do it quite often. However, for no apparent reason, I am not going to do that in this post. I will most likely do it next week, but this week I shall not speak to any reader. I will pretend that this 'create a post' page is the only one in the room with me. I mean, you're never here anyway, and like it makes no difference to me how pork. Oh no I just addressed the reader. Goodbye I suppose. I'm sorry. I'm not very good at starting or ending conversations. Like, I'll say goodbye after someone asks what day it is. Then I will order a pizza and catch a flight to the Ukraine because I like to party. And no Ukrainian party is a Ukrainian party without Ukrainian waffle batter. It's a type of salad dressing.
Do you know the mustard man? He sucks. And by that I mean, he's the CEO of a vacuum cleaner company. He runs a company that designs and sells vacuum cleaners. He's like that Dyson guy, only instead of an accent that makes him sound smart, he doesn't shower. You could say that the mustard man sucks and stinks. Or you could say that he owes you twelve-thousand dollars. Though only one of those things is likely to be correct. He and the gravity goblin created the internet security software that destroys your home network. "We didn't do it on the purpose," said the mustard man in what reports indicate could very well be the most utterly ignorant sentence ever spoken by human kind.
Crickets don't worry about taxes or politics. That is all I have to say on that matter. However, if four different people ate the same cricket at the same time, then the world would not implode. Nothing would probably happen. Oh how the time tables have turned..into.....tables.........of time SHUT UP. I didn't make you queen of Norway. Mostly because Norway doesn't have any monarchy that I am aware of. But also because I would have absolutely no power in Norway's monarchy should Norway have one. I am not from Norway, and I never have been.
Did you know that once a year the supercar of the sea emerges from the ocean depths to lay its eggs? I did. So I told you. Just now. It's a mysterious phenomenon that only occurs on the fifth full moon of the year. It can be said that it likes horse radish. But then again, lots of things can be said about anything. Like, I could say that school only exists during dumpster season. But that isn't true, nor does it make any sense. I could also say flaps. But I won't.
This is going to be the last paragraph of this post in the history of this post. And I refuse to mention cabbage. But the only way I'll be able to not mention cabbage, is if I tell you the story about the time Florida turned into Texas. Unfortunately, I cannot tell you this story because it never happened, and I refuse to tell lies. Like that time I went to Oregon to meet that professional yodeler. That was completely the truth. Cabbage is almost cab age. And that could mean an outdated taxi.
-Griffin
Do you know the mustard man? He sucks. And by that I mean, he's the CEO of a vacuum cleaner company. He runs a company that designs and sells vacuum cleaners. He's like that Dyson guy, only instead of an accent that makes him sound smart, he doesn't shower. You could say that the mustard man sucks and stinks. Or you could say that he owes you twelve-thousand dollars. Though only one of those things is likely to be correct. He and the gravity goblin created the internet security software that destroys your home network. "We didn't do it on the purpose," said the mustard man in what reports indicate could very well be the most utterly ignorant sentence ever spoken by human kind.
Crickets don't worry about taxes or politics. That is all I have to say on that matter. However, if four different people ate the same cricket at the same time, then the world would not implode. Nothing would probably happen. Oh how the time tables have turned..into.....tables.........of time SHUT UP. I didn't make you queen of Norway. Mostly because Norway doesn't have any monarchy that I am aware of. But also because I would have absolutely no power in Norway's monarchy should Norway have one. I am not from Norway, and I never have been.
Did you know that once a year the supercar of the sea emerges from the ocean depths to lay its eggs? I did. So I told you. Just now. It's a mysterious phenomenon that only occurs on the fifth full moon of the year. It can be said that it likes horse radish. But then again, lots of things can be said about anything. Like, I could say that school only exists during dumpster season. But that isn't true, nor does it make any sense. I could also say flaps. But I won't.
This is going to be the last paragraph of this post in the history of this post. And I refuse to mention cabbage. But the only way I'll be able to not mention cabbage, is if I tell you the story about the time Florida turned into Texas. Unfortunately, I cannot tell you this story because it never happened, and I refuse to tell lies. Like that time I went to Oregon to meet that professional yodeler. That was completely the truth. Cabbage is almost cab age. And that could mean an outdated taxi.
-Griffin
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Info-Mercury
Why hello there! Of course you can borrow my nostril, but make sure to give it back by Tuesday or my bank will repossess my house and my cat. I don't know why they'll only be taking my cat and not my dog, but I don't question the bank. They'll get angry if I do. Like, if I said that I wanted a hot dog that wasn't too hot or too dog, would you know that I was actually talking about the Coalition for International Baking Injustice? Those are the people that are trying to catch the Muffin Man. Apparently he committed fraud, but I don't know how much evidence they actually have against him. It's a mystery. Syrup.
It would be cool if like we all could make buckets out of straw, and then used them as helmets. They could be called head buckets. And we could like sell them for $14 at Target. I don't know why Target would want to invest in the head bucket idea but it seems like they would want to take part in it. Who wouldn't want a head bucket. What if squirrels start jumping on people from above because squirrels live in trees? What would you do if you didn't have a straw head bucket? Cry? Maybe. No one deserves to get eaten by a squirrel. Not even squirrel food. Or.
I cannot even understand what I was thinking with today's title. I had no intention of giving you any information whatsoever, not to mention Mercury. I don't even know if I meant the planet or the element. Probably south. We can't be too sure. Maybe I meant the car company. Or the inc company. Or the building services company. Or the communications company. Or the insurance group company. Or the record company. Or the bicycle company. Or the fleet management consulting services company. Or the direct company. That's it.
-Griffin
It would be cool if like we all could make buckets out of straw, and then used them as helmets. They could be called head buckets. And we could like sell them for $14 at Target. I don't know why Target would want to invest in the head bucket idea but it seems like they would want to take part in it. Who wouldn't want a head bucket. What if squirrels start jumping on people from above because squirrels live in trees? What would you do if you didn't have a straw head bucket? Cry? Maybe. No one deserves to get eaten by a squirrel. Not even squirrel food. Or.
I cannot even understand what I was thinking with today's title. I had no intention of giving you any information whatsoever, not to mention Mercury. I don't even know if I meant the planet or the element. Probably south. We can't be too sure. Maybe I meant the car company. Or the inc company. Or the building services company. Or the communications company. Or the insurance group company. Or the record company. Or the bicycle company. Or the fleet management consulting services company. Or the direct company. That's it.
-Griffin
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Musical Cacti
Hi. I am going to do something different today and actually write a post that has something to do with the title. It won't be much, but it's a start. You can't complain. Or I will be very upset. I will be as scary as a superhero who's power is that they can grow a mustache when they're angry. It will be astronomical. Astronomically universal. Foundry. Anyway, hello. How are you? I don't care. But I'm obligated by the state of New Hampshire to ask. And by the state of New Hampshire, I mean the large cargo ship named the New Hampshire. And by state I mean the condition of the ship. My resources are telling me that rust is starting to appear in places, but otherwise still seaworthy.
The cargo ship is brown, by the way.
So, while I was in Cancun, a place I still have yet to visit, there were cacti there that sang. And I don't mean like, la la sang, I mean like medical bills sang. They ate sand as their meals too. It was all a real misunderstanding, but I still enjoyed it. They had helicopters and everything. All at the low, low price of really expensive. They weren't willing to negotiate either. I really wanted a helicopter, but I only had enough money for three of the four windows. So that was a real disappointment. I cannot even believe that they were yellow either. It's like they were cooking broth.
Did you know that you can order yourself a potato online? Why in the world would you buy it online when you could buy it offsphere. I meal really. Gravity takes a minor toll, but the potatoes are much more fresh. I can't hear you. Potatoes are extremely good to the face though because of the fur and dominance to other creatures. Political dominance. Like you would with hyenas. But they're mostly Mongolian so I don't see that happening very often.
-Griffin
The cargo ship is brown, by the way.
So, while I was in Cancun, a place I still have yet to visit, there were cacti there that sang. And I don't mean like, la la sang, I mean like medical bills sang. They ate sand as their meals too. It was all a real misunderstanding, but I still enjoyed it. They had helicopters and everything. All at the low, low price of really expensive. They weren't willing to negotiate either. I really wanted a helicopter, but I only had enough money for three of the four windows. So that was a real disappointment. I cannot even believe that they were yellow either. It's like they were cooking broth.
Did you know that you can order yourself a potato online? Why in the world would you buy it online when you could buy it offsphere. I meal really. Gravity takes a minor toll, but the potatoes are much more fresh. I can't hear you. Potatoes are extremely good to the face though because of the fur and dominance to other creatures. Political dominance. Like you would with hyenas. But they're mostly Mongolian so I don't see that happening very often.
-Griffin
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Hotel Mangos
Good day to you SIR. Or should I say, OF. I didn't know how to end that second sentence so I just put a period. I thought a question mark would be a little out of place and an exclamation point would just be inappropriate. So I just settled on the safe side. Isn't it funny how the majority of this post already is talking about the second sentence of this post already? Quack? It's okay, you're not too fraudulent. I have no idea why that sentence decided it wanted to be ugly, and got written in the Times New Roman font. Everyone knows that aside from Comic Sans, Times New Roman is the worst font of all time. It's not everyday that every day and everyday are both words. Yes it is.
So this post should be posted on the nineteenth of July. As of when I'm writing this, it is not the nineteenth of July. It is the tenth of July. When I first wrote tenth I wrote thench. I have no idea why. Anyway, there is a neat little trick you can do so that posts will automatically publish on a certain date of your choosing. You could even like, buy a soda the day when your post is supposed to be posted, and it will still be posted. Like you never bought the soda at all! Crazy! As I said last week, I will have no ability to post this week, which is when this post will be posted. So I scheduled this post to be posted with the auto posting post button. That way robots can take care of you while I am in pain. Awesome! I just remembered that I will have no way of updating the image of the week. This saddens me. John Saddens me. Well at least I still have my hyperlinks.
So that second paragraph was pretty long, and not once did I mention hotel mangos. So I won't. Why yes Mr. Phinnigan, I am completely aware that mangos is spelled mangoes. You shouldn't try to correct me, because I can't hear you. You are nowhere near me, and I will murder your goldfish should the opportunity present itself. Now get out. You scare my cat. The bears.
-Griffin
So this post should be posted on the nineteenth of July. As of when I'm writing this, it is not the nineteenth of July. It is the tenth of July. When I first wrote tenth I wrote thench. I have no idea why. Anyway, there is a neat little trick you can do so that posts will automatically publish on a certain date of your choosing. You could even like, buy a soda the day when your post is supposed to be posted, and it will still be posted. Like you never bought the soda at all! Crazy! As I said last week, I will have no ability to post this week, which is when this post will be posted. So I scheduled this post to be posted with the auto posting post button. That way robots can take care of you while I am in pain. Awesome! I just remembered that I will have no way of updating the image of the week. This saddens me. John Saddens me. Well at least I still have my hyperlinks.
So that second paragraph was pretty long, and not once did I mention hotel mangos. So I won't. Why yes Mr. Phinnigan, I am completely aware that mangos is spelled mangoes. You shouldn't try to correct me, because I can't hear you. You are nowhere near me, and I will murder your goldfish should the opportunity present itself. Now get out. You scare my cat. The bears.
-Griffin
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Ghost Liquid
Well hello there. Aren't you fat. I mean. Fat. Ha. Ha ha. Hey, remember that time I told you about the trout fishing trip in Mexico? Good, because I never went on a trout fishing trip in Mexico. It was in Utah. They have ghost liquid in Utah. All of the water that makes up lakes and rivers in Utah are the undead form of H2O. It's not my fault, so you should stop blaming me. Even Ukrainians from Oregon haven't seen ghost liquid of this caliber. And by that I mean all the ghost liquid in Utah carries a .38 caliber pistol.
So like, this Friday will be the start of a number of days where I will be completely and utterly unavailable. This is happening for two reasons. The first reason is that all four of my wosdum tuths, I mean wisdom teeth, will be removed from my head Friday. The second reason is that I didn't have a second reason I just said two reasons because saying that this was happening for one reasons doesn't make any sense. So I will more than likely not have a post up next Thursday. To compensate for this, I will be doing nothing. You'll just have to live with it. If only there were a way I could schedule posts to be posted on a day that should undoubtedly be Thursday.
If you're here for the melons, however, you will have trouble finding them. We only carry citrus fruit here at Cape Cod. So you can just forget about it. I don't care how many times you times many how care. That. Okay. What if like, Will I Am's name was Will I'm Not. Then like, his real name could be Charles or something. Greg. Anything but Will or William really. It's all about the filter. I applaud your efforts if you've been clicking the hyperlinks. You deserve a prize. Unluckily for you, however, I hate you. So I'm not going to give you a prize. Bye!
-Griffin
So like, this Friday will be the start of a number of days where I will be completely and utterly unavailable. This is happening for two reasons. The first reason is that all four of my wosdum tuths, I mean wisdom teeth, will be removed from my head Friday. The second reason is that I didn't have a second reason I just said two reasons because saying that this was happening for one reasons doesn't make any sense. So I will more than likely not have a post up next Thursday. To compensate for this, I will be doing nothing. You'll just have to live with it. If only there were a way I could schedule posts to be posted on a day that should undoubtedly be Thursday.
If you're here for the melons, however, you will have trouble finding them. We only carry citrus fruit here at Cape Cod. So you can just forget about it. I don't care how many times you times many how care. That. Okay. What if like, Will I Am's name was Will I'm Not. Then like, his real name could be Charles or something. Greg. Anything but Will or William really. It's all about the filter. I applaud your efforts if you've been clicking the hyperlinks. You deserve a prize. Unluckily for you, however, I hate you. So I'm not going to give you a prize. Bye!
-Griffin
Friday, July 5, 2013
HOLIDAY
AS YOU COULD PROBABLY GUESS, OR NOT IF YOU'RE FROM THE UKRAINE, I HAD NO TIME TO POST YESTERDAY BECAUSE OF THE HOLIDAY. I AM SORRY AND I WILL BUY YOU A HAT LATER. BUT DON'T EXPECT POSTS ON THE DAYS OF HOLIDAYS IN THE FUTURE BECAUSE LIKE BUSY AND STUFF.
-GRIFFIN
-GRIFFIN
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