If you were even slightly available for being purple colored ink, you wouldn't even have time to consider the possibilities of what shape Delta could be. Sure, people think it's a triangle. That's the only statement I had to follow the one about what shape Delta could be. It's a triangle. Don't even fool yourselves, it's clearly a geometric geometrical geometry three sided figure. There is literally no debate at all in what shape Delta is. Literally none. It is a triangle.
Frank loves his hot sauce.
Really, do you have to buy that hat, Jeremiah?
Equal opportunity antelope should be a topic in the next big election.
Don't assume that what you think yellow looks like is actually not green.
Clams can talk, stop trying to convince me otherwise.
Ordinarily, hotels aren't sandwiches.
I love it when court yards.
Longitudinal coordinates don't involve petroleum.
Sometimes you just need to go into a job interview carrying a balloon with the interviewer's face printed on it. This is a great tactic to practice, as it established dominance during the interview. When the interviewer sees your balloon that has his face printed on it, he will immediately submit and declare you the victor. Even when your name isn't Victor. If, by some unimaginable reason, you don't get the job, you can smash the face-side of your balloon into the corner of the interviewer's desk. This shows your displeasure in the results of the interview. Don't leap on frogs.
-Griffin
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Bridge the Cap
Welcome. I'm here to help you bridge the cap. That's right. The Abflats post title is in the Abflats post post today. That's right. I said bridge the cap. You might have been expecting me to say, "Bridge the Guacamole," but really, think about that. Is that something that would make sense in any context? No. And I'm speaking of a bowler hat, specifically. Why am I speaking of a bowler hat cap in the bridge? Yes. Greece is not welcome in this day and age.
Speaking of bowler hats, which I currently was, have you heard that Beatles song about the sun doo dee doo doo? 'Here Comes the Sun' is what it is called I believe. Well, I thought of a much better version of that song which involves bowler hats. Basically, the song is the exact same, only with the lyric, "Here comes the sun," replaced with, "Here comes my hat." Everything else in the song is the exact same, and the music video is replaced with a black bowler hat flying through the air and slowly spinning. The song would then be like, "Here comes my hat, doo dee doo doo. Here comes my hat, and I say -- it's all right (doo doop)x4" And the background video would just be a slow motion video of a black bowler hat slightling rotating through space. It would be absolutely fantastic.
I don't have a lot left to say in the post of the Abflats. I basically wanted to tell you my idea for the bowler hat Beatles video song. I will eventually publish that song under Abflats Stump-dios. Not studios. Stump-dios. Because our audio recording devices are logs. Specifically, ash logs. So they're not even that high quality log audio recorders. We live in a sad time.
-Griffin
Speaking of bowler hats, which I currently was, have you heard that Beatles song about the sun doo dee doo doo? 'Here Comes the Sun' is what it is called I believe. Well, I thought of a much better version of that song which involves bowler hats. Basically, the song is the exact same, only with the lyric, "Here comes the sun," replaced with, "Here comes my hat." Everything else in the song is the exact same, and the music video is replaced with a black bowler hat flying through the air and slowly spinning. The song would then be like, "Here comes my hat, doo dee doo doo. Here comes my hat, and I say -- it's all right (doo doop)x4" And the background video would just be a slow motion video of a black bowler hat slightling rotating through space. It would be absolutely fantastic.
I don't have a lot left to say in the post of the Abflats. I basically wanted to tell you my idea for the bowler hat Beatles video song. I will eventually publish that song under Abflats Stump-dios. Not studios. Stump-dios. Because our audio recording devices are logs. Specifically, ash logs. So they're not even that high quality log audio recorders. We live in a sad time.
-Griffin
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Hamburger Unhelpful
Welcome to time. Yes. There are many things to behold in this week's Abflats post, and none of which are available for holding. You can probably read them though unless you can't read this language or at all. It's very simple as to why you were looked down as an elephant and that reason is because you aren't an elephant. It is not possible for elephants to read any language at all. Therefore, I can safely say, assuming, for which, you are not an elephant. Unless, of course, you were some intergalactic species of elephant that can read English but cannot speak English or read any other language and is basically just an elephant that has the ability to read English writing.
Now, I would like to talk to you about grape salad. There is a very widespread epidemic going around known as grape salad, and it is sadly unknown by most of the population. Basically, it's just a bowl of grapes. That's all grape salad is. But also, it contains lit firecrackers. Lit firecrackers are also in grape salad. When you're sitting there enjoying grapes BANG. Your bottom jaw is annihilated. That's how they get you. Grape salad also contains oats. Only five oats though. If it has six oats it is completely inedible, and if it has four oats it is lethal poisonous. Grape salad is also invisible unless you were born in a select list of countries. Bulgarians cannot see grape salad. We must fight to stop this disease before it breaks out of control.
Here at Abflats, we also like to talk about sports. As a matter of fact, we like to think of new ideas for sports. Well, I think I have come up with an idea for sports that would make great strides in television ratings. Basically, the sport would be played with two teams in some sort of arena or stadium. The teams can be made up of seven or eight people, and one player has to be the team leader in order to make up strategies to win the game. The object of this game is to hit a player on the opposing team with a ball. Once this is done your team gets a point. One important rule to note, however, is that hitting another player with a ball is not allowed. If you hit another player with a ball, be the player on your team or the opponent's, you are indefinitely thrown from the game and cannot compete for the rest of the match. This means each team will need to bring in new people everytime someone gets hit with a ball, and eventually they will have to start bringing in people from the streets. It will be called Major League Sinus Infection and first team to three hundred and sixty seven points wins.
-Griffin
Now, I would like to talk to you about grape salad. There is a very widespread epidemic going around known as grape salad, and it is sadly unknown by most of the population. Basically, it's just a bowl of grapes. That's all grape salad is. But also, it contains lit firecrackers. Lit firecrackers are also in grape salad. When you're sitting there enjoying grapes BANG. Your bottom jaw is annihilated. That's how they get you. Grape salad also contains oats. Only five oats though. If it has six oats it is completely inedible, and if it has four oats it is lethal poisonous. Grape salad is also invisible unless you were born in a select list of countries. Bulgarians cannot see grape salad. We must fight to stop this disease before it breaks out of control.
Here at Abflats, we also like to talk about sports. As a matter of fact, we like to think of new ideas for sports. Well, I think I have come up with an idea for sports that would make great strides in television ratings. Basically, the sport would be played with two teams in some sort of arena or stadium. The teams can be made up of seven or eight people, and one player has to be the team leader in order to make up strategies to win the game. The object of this game is to hit a player on the opposing team with a ball. Once this is done your team gets a point. One important rule to note, however, is that hitting another player with a ball is not allowed. If you hit another player with a ball, be the player on your team or the opponent's, you are indefinitely thrown from the game and cannot compete for the rest of the match. This means each team will need to bring in new people everytime someone gets hit with a ball, and eventually they will have to start bringing in people from the streets. It will be called Major League Sinus Infection and first team to three hundred and sixty seven points wins.
-Griffin
Thursday, January 8, 2015
You Can't if You Bribe a Muffler
Hello. Hello. I said it twice. It was extremely inconsistent to the content that was before it, because that was utter nothingness. And I mean cow utters too. Not the undefinable, like, adverb or something. That's just crazy talk. No one likes English anyway. The English don't even speak English they speak Horatioish. It's a fascinating language in that it just adds useless U's everywhere. Like in colour or favourite or armour. It's really inconvenient to those who are allergic to the letter U. Therefore, I would like to officially sue the United Kingdom for their persecution of people who are allergic to the letter U. There is absolutely no reason we have to be this discriminatory in 2015.
Is it weird to think that someday our lives could be completely based around syrup that is artificially flavored? Like, not even the real stuff from Vermont, I mean the made in a factory out of yellow squares artificially flavored maple syrup. It will be a very dark time indeed. I believe that's what the film 'The Matrix' was based around. The artificially flavored maple syrup based future that is inevitable. There is literally no escaping the nightmare that will soon be our lives when they will be based around artificially flavored syrup exclusively.
I hope to soon start the third paragraph of this Abflats post. It is with great honor that I officially announce my goal with the entire blog of Absurd Flatulence. And that goal is to start the third paragraph of this Abflats post that will be posted on January 8th, 2015. When I conclude starting this third and final paragraph of this week's Abflats post, my goal for starting this week's abflats post will be completely completed. It will be a terrific day for all those involved in helping me reach my goal of starting this week's post's third paragraph.
-Griffin
Is it weird to think that someday our lives could be completely based around syrup that is artificially flavored? Like, not even the real stuff from Vermont, I mean the made in a factory out of yellow squares artificially flavored maple syrup. It will be a very dark time indeed. I believe that's what the film 'The Matrix' was based around. The artificially flavored maple syrup based future that is inevitable. There is literally no escaping the nightmare that will soon be our lives when they will be based around artificially flavored syrup exclusively.
I hope to soon start the third paragraph of this Abflats post. It is with great honor that I officially announce my goal with the entire blog of Absurd Flatulence. And that goal is to start the third paragraph of this Abflats post that will be posted on January 8th, 2015. When I conclude starting this third and final paragraph of this week's Abflats post, my goal for starting this week's abflats post will be completely completed. It will be a terrific day for all those involved in helping me reach my goal of starting this week's post's third paragraph.
-Griffin
Thursday, January 1, 2015
It Happens to be New Year's Day
OH. It is New Year's Day today which typically falls on January 1st of a year but sometimes it's in August, and we don't know why. It's an incredibly strange phenomena. This year, however, it's on the normal January 1st. Which is good. Just like furniture slip covers. Those are also good. They, like, give your couch or chair fake skin to make people think it's something that it's not. And that something would be brown sugar coconut pie. It's awful. It's also false advertising because the brown sugar is actually pink and I'm pretty sure it's silly putty and not sugar at all.
New Year's Day is technically a holiday, and the last two Abflats posts have technically both been on holidays, and technically holidays are a great source of Extreme Extravaganzas, but New Year's Day will not be an Abflats Extreme Extravaganza. The reasons include the ones that follow this sentence but are not limited to the ones in the list which follows this sentence: extreme extravaganzas are for holidays that do not include New Year's Day. That is the only thing in the list of reasons as to why New Year's Day is not an Abflats Extreme Extravaganza. I'm very sorry to disappoint you Clarie, but you're constructed out of teapot plaster.
What is the difference between ceramic and plaster and why does it taste like burnt soil? There are a few things wrong with the Cat Investment Firm but none more severe than the fact that cats are unable to participate in any sort of tax system enforced by any governments especially the one from Denmark have you seen it it's like purple or something.
-Griffin
New Year's Day is technically a holiday, and the last two Abflats posts have technically both been on holidays, and technically holidays are a great source of Extreme Extravaganzas, but New Year's Day will not be an Abflats Extreme Extravaganza. The reasons include the ones that follow this sentence but are not limited to the ones in the list which follows this sentence: extreme extravaganzas are for holidays that do not include New Year's Day. That is the only thing in the list of reasons as to why New Year's Day is not an Abflats Extreme Extravaganza. I'm very sorry to disappoint you Clarie, but you're constructed out of teapot plaster.
What is the difference between ceramic and plaster and why does it taste like burnt soil? There are a few things wrong with the Cat Investment Firm but none more severe than the fact that cats are unable to participate in any sort of tax system enforced by any governments especially the one from Denmark have you seen it it's like purple or something.
-Griffin
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