Hello there salad man. Speaking of salad man, I didn't know how to eat salad until a few days ago....man. I had a plan for this post, but I have decided I won't be doing it until I do do it. My plan was to write this entire post like it was 1823. But seeing as researching how people wrote blog posts in 1823 is dumb, and I'm lazy, I won't be doing that until I do do it. It won't be extremely difficult, because I can just say, "What's a car?" and be done with it. But I don't want to do that until I do do it. All it does is subtract from the experience of 1929 which is a much better year for blog posts. They even had cars back then. See how simple that was? Hoot is what owls do.
Gravel would be your favorite thing if you hated liking things that are actually good. Really. It would. Like, if you enjoyed Macs instead of PCs, there's a chance you'd like gravel. Or if you enjoyed light bulbs that are squiggly instead of bacon, there's a chance that you're just plain stupid. Really. Squiggly light bulbs over bacon? Come on. That's absurd. HA! DID YOU CATCH THAT?! I PUT PART OF THE TITLE OF THE BLOG ON THIS BLOG POST! LOOK HOW CREATIVE I AM. I draw lines for a living. I'm unemployed. I draw OWLS for a living. And by owls I mean mail men. Mail men are cool. How are you?
Stop reading this after this now right this here you go. Can you understate the fact that there is no reason to undermine the understanding whales of the under the sea. Hello. I really have no idea what is happening, but you'll know once you find the secret key hidden underneath Al Gore's sofa. He probably doesn't even have a sofa. He probably has a Prius. In his living room. From which he watched televised video from Hooligan Town. That is a real place in Connecticut. Really. Look it up. Don't actually. Hope salad for three.
-Griffin
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Ribbons
Good even- ... morning! I made the title of this post 'Ribbons'! Do you know why? Good! It seems odd, but it feels like I've used 'Ribbons' as a title before. I'm fairly certain I haven't, but it sure feels like it. Like, it feels like when you go to rob a bank, but then you realize you are in prison for murdering someone. And you also realize that robbing a bank could put you in the exact same situation that you are currently in from unrelated causes. It's like that, only with titles of posts and the word ribbons. Don't judge me. Judge Judy. She has no tongue. Oh dear. I could have sworn that tongue was spelled tounge. Oh well. Either way, I like broccoli and you can't do anything about it!
The Matrix is cool. Not the move, like the colorful bandwagon. And not like bandwagon, bandwagon. I mean like a band playing songs in a wagon. It's not immediate. But we all no for sure that we can all know if not for certain than for sure that we can know these that we do not already do know because we can for certain. Even if you ate three and a half bacon lettuces, you would still not ever understand the moral of this paragraph.
Oh hello there. How are you doing? I can't recall the last time I talked. Because I have no mouth. That is why I cannot recall. If you had a mouth, I bet you could recall the last time you talked. But I cannot because of my lack of mouth. What if you were sitting in a wooden chair, and then a tornado came? Would you just fly up in your chair? What if you were laughing hysterically while this happened? What if you were laughing historically while this happened? The world may never know.
-Griffin
The Matrix is cool. Not the move, like the colorful bandwagon. And not like bandwagon, bandwagon. I mean like a band playing songs in a wagon. It's not immediate. But we all no for sure that we can all know if not for certain than for sure that we can know these that we do not already do know because we can for certain. Even if you ate three and a half bacon lettuces, you would still not ever understand the moral of this paragraph.
Oh hello there. How are you doing? I can't recall the last time I talked. Because I have no mouth. That is why I cannot recall. If you had a mouth, I bet you could recall the last time you talked. But I cannot because of my lack of mouth. What if you were sitting in a wooden chair, and then a tornado came? Would you just fly up in your chair? What if you were laughing hysterically while this happened? What if you were laughing historically while this happened? The world may never know.
-Griffin
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Nitrous Tomato Land
G'day to you! I am here to tell you that you don't need your feet. Feet just get in the way of things. You have to get like shoes and things for them. You have a job. You don't have time for shoes and things. Sure they make it easier for moving, but what do you think wheels are for? Rolling. That's what. If you wanted to roll, and had feet, you wouldn't be able to roll. Because feet are not round. Which means they can't roll. Let's just think about this for a second. You need arms. Arms move things like belts or waffle irons. You need eyes. Eyes see things like advertisements and waffle irons. You need hair. Hair sees things like waffle irons and freedom. Okay, I'm done with this paragraph. I had no intention on taking it any further than feet, but I took it too far. I'm done writing this.
I don't know if this is happened before, it seems like it has, but Blogspot has just underlined that entire first paragraph in red. They think, for some reason, that my first paragraph of this post is a very large word and incorrectly spelled. I cannot take this. I will have a mental breakdown. Like a car on a road only with water and a large can of tuna. What if lettuce had three flavors? That's my question of they day. Should you? No. Probably fourteen, let alone gas station. No one needs trash compacting alien boosters.
If you knew the possibilities of all the types of onion ring manufacturers, then you would have no problem at all decoding the eventual cloud commanding passwords. Then again, if you knew what the cloud commanding passwords were already, then you would have no problem at all decoding the eventual cloud commanding passwords. Because you would have already known them. Therefore, you would not need to learn them. You could act all cool when someone asks you what you think the cloud commanding passwords are, and you can like tell them the real things. Then they'll buy you a coffee and spill it accidentally. Ralph.
-Griffin
I don't know if this is happened before, it seems like it has, but Blogspot has just underlined that entire first paragraph in red. They think, for some reason, that my first paragraph of this post is a very large word and incorrectly spelled. I cannot take this. I will have a mental breakdown. Like a car on a road only with water and a large can of tuna. What if lettuce had three flavors? That's my question of they day. Should you? No. Probably fourteen, let alone gas station. No one needs trash compacting alien boosters.
If you knew the possibilities of all the types of onion ring manufacturers, then you would have no problem at all decoding the eventual cloud commanding passwords. Then again, if you knew what the cloud commanding passwords were already, then you would have no problem at all decoding the eventual cloud commanding passwords. Because you would have already known them. Therefore, you would not need to learn them. You could act all cool when someone asks you what you think the cloud commanding passwords are, and you can like tell them the real things. Then they'll buy you a coffee and spill it accidentally. Ralph.
-Griffin
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Cabbage
I cannot believe in the slightest of time that the does cannot even go to the fourth Florida across the bacon demands it. I know for most of my posts that I address the reader in a certain way. Maybe hello, or hi, or why would you be so treeist. It varies but I do it quite often. However, for no apparent reason, I am not going to do that in this post. I will most likely do it next week, but this week I shall not speak to any reader. I will pretend that this 'create a post' page is the only one in the room with me. I mean, you're never here anyway, and like it makes no difference to me how pork. Oh no I just addressed the reader. Goodbye I suppose. I'm sorry. I'm not very good at starting or ending conversations. Like, I'll say goodbye after someone asks what day it is. Then I will order a pizza and catch a flight to the Ukraine because I like to party. And no Ukrainian party is a Ukrainian party without Ukrainian waffle batter. It's a type of salad dressing.
Do you know the mustard man? He sucks. And by that I mean, he's the CEO of a vacuum cleaner company. He runs a company that designs and sells vacuum cleaners. He's like that Dyson guy, only instead of an accent that makes him sound smart, he doesn't shower. You could say that the mustard man sucks and stinks. Or you could say that he owes you twelve-thousand dollars. Though only one of those things is likely to be correct. He and the gravity goblin created the internet security software that destroys your home network. "We didn't do it on the purpose," said the mustard man in what reports indicate could very well be the most utterly ignorant sentence ever spoken by human kind.
Crickets don't worry about taxes or politics. That is all I have to say on that matter. However, if four different people ate the same cricket at the same time, then the world would not implode. Nothing would probably happen. Oh how the time tables have turned..into.....tables.........of time SHUT UP. I didn't make you queen of Norway. Mostly because Norway doesn't have any monarchy that I am aware of. But also because I would have absolutely no power in Norway's monarchy should Norway have one. I am not from Norway, and I never have been.
Did you know that once a year the supercar of the sea emerges from the ocean depths to lay its eggs? I did. So I told you. Just now. It's a mysterious phenomenon that only occurs on the fifth full moon of the year. It can be said that it likes horse radish. But then again, lots of things can be said about anything. Like, I could say that school only exists during dumpster season. But that isn't true, nor does it make any sense. I could also say flaps. But I won't.
This is going to be the last paragraph of this post in the history of this post. And I refuse to mention cabbage. But the only way I'll be able to not mention cabbage, is if I tell you the story about the time Florida turned into Texas. Unfortunately, I cannot tell you this story because it never happened, and I refuse to tell lies. Like that time I went to Oregon to meet that professional yodeler. That was completely the truth. Cabbage is almost cab age. And that could mean an outdated taxi.
-Griffin
Do you know the mustard man? He sucks. And by that I mean, he's the CEO of a vacuum cleaner company. He runs a company that designs and sells vacuum cleaners. He's like that Dyson guy, only instead of an accent that makes him sound smart, he doesn't shower. You could say that the mustard man sucks and stinks. Or you could say that he owes you twelve-thousand dollars. Though only one of those things is likely to be correct. He and the gravity goblin created the internet security software that destroys your home network. "We didn't do it on the purpose," said the mustard man in what reports indicate could very well be the most utterly ignorant sentence ever spoken by human kind.
Crickets don't worry about taxes or politics. That is all I have to say on that matter. However, if four different people ate the same cricket at the same time, then the world would not implode. Nothing would probably happen. Oh how the time tables have turned..into.....tables.........of time SHUT UP. I didn't make you queen of Norway. Mostly because Norway doesn't have any monarchy that I am aware of. But also because I would have absolutely no power in Norway's monarchy should Norway have one. I am not from Norway, and I never have been.
Did you know that once a year the supercar of the sea emerges from the ocean depths to lay its eggs? I did. So I told you. Just now. It's a mysterious phenomenon that only occurs on the fifth full moon of the year. It can be said that it likes horse radish. But then again, lots of things can be said about anything. Like, I could say that school only exists during dumpster season. But that isn't true, nor does it make any sense. I could also say flaps. But I won't.
This is going to be the last paragraph of this post in the history of this post. And I refuse to mention cabbage. But the only way I'll be able to not mention cabbage, is if I tell you the story about the time Florida turned into Texas. Unfortunately, I cannot tell you this story because it never happened, and I refuse to tell lies. Like that time I went to Oregon to meet that professional yodeler. That was completely the truth. Cabbage is almost cab age. And that could mean an outdated taxi.
-Griffin
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Info-Mercury
Why hello there! Of course you can borrow my nostril, but make sure to give it back by Tuesday or my bank will repossess my house and my cat. I don't know why they'll only be taking my cat and not my dog, but I don't question the bank. They'll get angry if I do. Like, if I said that I wanted a hot dog that wasn't too hot or too dog, would you know that I was actually talking about the Coalition for International Baking Injustice? Those are the people that are trying to catch the Muffin Man. Apparently he committed fraud, but I don't know how much evidence they actually have against him. It's a mystery. Syrup.
It would be cool if like we all could make buckets out of straw, and then used them as helmets. They could be called head buckets. And we could like sell them for $14 at Target. I don't know why Target would want to invest in the head bucket idea but it seems like they would want to take part in it. Who wouldn't want a head bucket. What if squirrels start jumping on people from above because squirrels live in trees? What would you do if you didn't have a straw head bucket? Cry? Maybe. No one deserves to get eaten by a squirrel. Not even squirrel food. Or.
I cannot even understand what I was thinking with today's title. I had no intention of giving you any information whatsoever, not to mention Mercury. I don't even know if I meant the planet or the element. Probably south. We can't be too sure. Maybe I meant the car company. Or the inc company. Or the building services company. Or the communications company. Or the insurance group company. Or the record company. Or the bicycle company. Or the fleet management consulting services company. Or the direct company. That's it.
-Griffin
It would be cool if like we all could make buckets out of straw, and then used them as helmets. They could be called head buckets. And we could like sell them for $14 at Target. I don't know why Target would want to invest in the head bucket idea but it seems like they would want to take part in it. Who wouldn't want a head bucket. What if squirrels start jumping on people from above because squirrels live in trees? What would you do if you didn't have a straw head bucket? Cry? Maybe. No one deserves to get eaten by a squirrel. Not even squirrel food. Or.
I cannot even understand what I was thinking with today's title. I had no intention of giving you any information whatsoever, not to mention Mercury. I don't even know if I meant the planet or the element. Probably south. We can't be too sure. Maybe I meant the car company. Or the inc company. Or the building services company. Or the communications company. Or the insurance group company. Or the record company. Or the bicycle company. Or the fleet management consulting services company. Or the direct company. That's it.
-Griffin
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