I cannot even begin to tell you how alarmingly Polish you're being right now. You are being unbelievably Polish. Stop that. Stop being Polish. Just stop. Don't do it. If you continue I will be forced to take action. Extreme action. Action that may be considered alarming to some people. Some people who aren't Polish, that is. The only thing you consider to be alarming when you're Polish is, of course, lawn care supplements. But then again, who wouldn't consider that alarming? No one that's who. No one wouldn't consider that to be alarming.
The theatrical release of everyone's favorite industrial sized fan was a travesty. The main reason everyone hated it is because the main character was a cricket. And far fewer people speak Italian in the target audience than what the production team predicted. It took them seventeen years, and it was an alarming box office flop. Production of the industrial size fan was estimated to have cost sixty one billion five hundred ninety eight million two hundred seventy one thousand nine hundred and ninety dollars. And they only made $0 opening weekend. Huge deficit.
Not long ago, there were three wasps. Now, today, there are probably like, millions if I had to guess. Why should I know how many wasps there are? I shouldn't. You just expect alarmingly too much from me. You should just dress up as a wasp forever and never not be dressed up as a wasp you wasp wasp creature. Do not, do NOT, don't.
-Griffin
Thursday, August 18, 2016
Thursday, August 11, 2016
Fold a Bottle of Syrup
It's time again to eat a toasted soda machine. That's right. A breaded soda machine, baked in the oven at 365 degrees for forty-five minutes. That's a toasted soda machine. Goes great with any sauce except for raw caffeine. Like the white powder form of it. Anyway, have you read about the new and improved alarmingly abundant insects the fly? They're new and improved. And by new and improved, of course we mean the exact same as they have always been and not improved in any way whatsoever.
You probably buy clothes at the soup store.
If you bought a Toyota, and was then disappointed in your life insurance plan, you may be entitled to nothing. You may be entitled to nothing. Why should you get anything? You should get your citizenship revoked from whatever country you come from for even suggesting that you're entitled to something. How dare you. You alarmingly flat tire.
I have a question for you. Go ahead and email me at <photo of dog>, and I will send you the question within 3 - 58 business days. I have a very busy schedule and may not be able to get my question sent within two months. Several people have already emailed me concerning their questions, so it may be thirty years before you're entitled to anything oh wait remember you're not entitled to anything but your alarmingly sour cream.
-Griffin
You probably buy clothes at the soup store.
If you bought a Toyota, and was then disappointed in your life insurance plan, you may be entitled to nothing. You may be entitled to nothing. Why should you get anything? You should get your citizenship revoked from whatever country you come from for even suggesting that you're entitled to something. How dare you. You alarmingly flat tire.
I have a question for you. Go ahead and email me at <photo of dog>, and I will send you the question within 3 - 58 business days. I have a very busy schedule and may not be able to get my question sent within two months. Several people have already emailed me concerning their questions, so it may be thirty years before you're entitled to anything oh wait remember you're not entitled to anything but your alarmingly sour cream.
-Griffin
Thursday, August 4, 2016
Don't The Always
Hello again and welcome to a very important, very asymmetrical bread pattern. If you're allergic to things, such as bread, then you might as well be a floor. No one cares about floors. You may get a rug put on you to make you look more appealing, but that's all. Speaking of floors, did you know that the first floor ever was designed by Edgar Lubius in his shoe shop in downtown New York City in 1851. It was a revolutionary invention that would spark architectural design for decades to come.
Three hours later, a domino was very annoyed at your choice of attire. Stop it. Stop. You have absolutely zero clue what you're doing. You couldn't even pretend that a hat was a hat. No, you had to go and ruin it by eating seven thousand frozen peaches. It will probably kill you. You'll die from over peach eating. You can't even speak Danish (Deutsch).
There can only be five million types of lettuce. No more. If there were five million thirty three thousand seventy, that's too many. If you had any more than five million types of lettuce, you would be placed on a 'Very Bad Go Away' list that the United Department of National Agricultural Persuasion. Or UDNAP for short. Please don't eat plastic please.
-Griffin
Three hours later, a domino was very annoyed at your choice of attire. Stop it. Stop. You have absolutely zero clue what you're doing. You couldn't even pretend that a hat was a hat. No, you had to go and ruin it by eating seven thousand frozen peaches. It will probably kill you. You'll die from over peach eating. You can't even speak Danish (Deutsch).
There can only be five million types of lettuce. No more. If there were five million thirty three thousand seventy, that's too many. If you had any more than five million types of lettuce, you would be placed on a 'Very Bad Go Away' list that the United Department of National Agricultural Persuasion. Or UDNAP for short. Please don't eat plastic please.
-Griffin
Friday, July 29, 2016
SNOW
IT'S MY FAULT I AM SORRY I WILL RETURN THE FAVOR BY PURCHASING THREE THOUSAND BOEING 767S
-GRIFFIN
-GRIFFIN
Thursday, July 21, 2016
Dimes and Waterballoons
Hello and welcome to everyone's favorite vacuum that's right it's collarbones. Collarbones are so stupid. I mean, can they even read? I simply have no respect for a bone that cannot read. The simplest principle that make you someone that can read is your ability to read. Being a collarbone is excuse for not being able to read. You might as well be a social security number.
Don't you DARE follow your dreams. Buy a Cadillac. Specifically, one of those really ugly ones they have overly artsy commercials for to make up for how ugly the vehicle actually is. "We don't expect normal people to understand the extraordinary," they might say. Yes, you wouldn't expect that given your car looks like a diaper. I don't want to drive a diaper.
Ten percent of all percentages go up to seventeen percent of the real percentage for which it is owned. In layman's terms, koala bears aren't really that good at haggling prices at convenience stores. Neither koalas nor Burt Reynolds are very good at haggling. That is simply the natural tendencies of these species of wild animals. I will never forgive you for this.
-Griffin
Don't you DARE follow your dreams. Buy a Cadillac. Specifically, one of those really ugly ones they have overly artsy commercials for to make up for how ugly the vehicle actually is. "We don't expect normal people to understand the extraordinary," they might say. Yes, you wouldn't expect that given your car looks like a diaper. I don't want to drive a diaper.
Ten percent of all percentages go up to seventeen percent of the real percentage for which it is owned. In layman's terms, koala bears aren't really that good at haggling prices at convenience stores. Neither koalas nor Burt Reynolds are very good at haggling. That is simply the natural tendencies of these species of wild animals. I will never forgive you for this.
-Griffin
Friday, July 15, 2016
Thursday, July 7, 2016
Bunny Robot
It's that time of again to is the Soviet Union and I'm your host hello. I say again, I did not invite you to my sneezing chambers. You forced your way in. You enlisted the help of eighty six thousand dwarfs and snuck right in to my sneezing chambers. Really it's just a broom closet where I conduct my sneezing. Are you happy you went through all that trouble? You probably have a disease now.
One disease you could have is onion disease. Onion disease is basically when you always no matter what have onions drop out of your mouth 100% of the time when your mouth is open. You essentially become an onion generator. The onions are always always never not whole entire giant onions from the shores of Guam. You see, the shores of Guam are where the onions are grown.
Long envelopes like the most perfect rectangle paper you'll get like seven paper cuts in twelve point ninety three seconds. Tartar build up. You have to take the tray to the customer. Almost. This is the Iron Curtain speaking, you cannot breathe today, maybe tomorrow.
-Griffin
One disease you could have is onion disease. Onion disease is basically when you always no matter what have onions drop out of your mouth 100% of the time when your mouth is open. You essentially become an onion generator. The onions are always always never not whole entire giant onions from the shores of Guam. You see, the shores of Guam are where the onions are grown.
Long envelopes like the most perfect rectangle paper you'll get like seven paper cuts in twelve point ninety three seconds. Tartar build up. You have to take the tray to the customer. Almost. This is the Iron Curtain speaking, you cannot breathe today, maybe tomorrow.
-Griffin
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