Montana For Lease

It's that time again time for the National Snow Globe Auction. That's right you're favorite snow globes are finally up for auction and you can even purchase one assuming you own funds of some kind. The first snow globe is one found in the South China Sea. It goes by the name Carlos, and is very much the shape of a flat tire. It's just a flat tire. The bidding for this particular snow globe is starting at $54, or your regional equivalent.

What if people had turquois colored necks? Like, instead of your neck being the same color as your skin, it would be bright, neon turquois. What if turquois was extinct? Just like the dinosaurs. The color turquoise could have been extinct for millions upon millions of years. How would we ever know? I guess if people's necks were the same color as the rest of their skin we would no that turquoise was no longer in our midst.

Do you think people would rise up in rebellion against the government if blankets were outlawed? Like the blankets you use for warmth and stuff. Do you think that law would be possible to enforce? Maybe if they created six trillion robot clones of Adam Sandler to search every house to make sure there were no blankets. Then it could be enforceable. These Adam Sandler clone robots could also fly, making them especially dangerous. The movies would remain the same quality and would not improve.

-Griffin

Milk Freezer

It's that time once again for another one of those especially liquid-state New Hampshire meetings. The more the merrier I never say, and where there's fruit there's horses.The Queen of Broth has nothing to do with the European Union, and don't forget that. He doesn't even like Europe. He, being the Queen of Broth, is the nicest person anyone could ever ask for, he is lukewarm however. You see, he didn't put the cover thing over top the bowl when he was microwaved, so the outside portions of the Queen of Broth got really really hot while the inside stayed fairly cold. When stirred together the resulting overall temperature was mediocre.

As Benito Mussolini once said "plEASE FASCISM SUCCEED I NEE DTO SUCED WIH GERMNNNNAY." No one really liked Benito. He probably couldn't even read. Just like Tuscon, Arizona. It can't read. It's a city. Cities cannot read. They are not people. The only city I've ever heard of being able to read was Herbert, whose actual name was Bob, with the only resident in Herbert being named Harold. See Harold lived in Herbert, who is Bob, but Bob didn't like Harold because Harold consistently called him Herbert so Bob removed Harold's lungs.

Seven percent of all bears are magic, and when you attack a bear you become invincible. I don't necessarily believe that bears are magical, but just look at Russia. Everyone over there is a bear and there's nothing we can do about it. Some of them are even giraffes. Giraffes, though, are heartless creatures.

-Griffin

Every Noodle

There are many fruit flies in the world, but none more important than Fruit Fly #659,108. Fruit Fly #659,108 is definitely one of a kind. As far as fruit flies go, Fruit Fly #659,108 is surely the best one. I challenge you to find any fruit fly even nearly as good as Fruit Fly #659,108. You will not succeed. Fruit Fly #659,108 is the most unique fruit fly out there, and you cannot find any one fruit fly that has anything compared to Fruit Fly #659,108.

If you had three legs and one arm, one might call you a three legged one armed person. However, if you had three arms and one leg, one might call you Steve. The reason that this happens is because of the 22nd President of the United States, Grover Cleveland. Peanuts are a great substitute for a Spanish teacher. You would probably be able to learn Spanish faster from a peanut than you could any other nut such as walnuts are almonds. Peanuts, I believe, are known to be one of the most proficient nuts at communicating information.

In the year 1932, there were more robot cats than there were International Space Stations. There were, in fact, 0 robot cats in the year 1932, but there were even fewer International Space Stations, at a quantity of -1. Three point differentials are nice to see especially when succumbing to cholera. Have a great salad.

-Griffin 

Zombie Baked Goods

All right, welcome back LOSERS. Sorry. That was uncalled for. I have no evidence to support that claim. I mean, you all could, in fact, be losers, but I have no way of knowing for sure. There are some tell-tale signs that could point to you being a loser, however. For instance, if you generally consist of polymers with minor impurities of other organic compounds and also water, then you could be a loser. Chances are you probably come from Malaysia too.

Eggplants are not pink. There is absolutely nothing you can do to convince me otherwise. If you say "eggplants are pink," I would simply not believe you, or act like I didn't hear what you said. Then I'd probably spend thousands of dollars hiring mercenaries to assassinate a herd of sheep located on a local ranch. This is what you make me do. I will slowly wipe out the Earth's sheep population if you continue to try to convince me that eggplants are pink.

While it is true that there are probably more than thirty clouds in the sky at any given moment, have you taken the time to consider if you may also be a cloud? You really should. There are some tell-tale signs that could point to you being a cloud. First of all, if you're French, you have a 16% higher chance of being a cloud. Also, if you have a hard time hearing out of both of your ears, you also have a higher chance of being a cloud. You see, clouds can't hear sounds.

If you've ever looked into the eyes of a cat you know what Vladimir Putin was thinking when he decided to play the piano poorly on international television. You were both probably thinking, "wow this isn't a good idea but I'm doing it anyway." Then Putin probably thought, "wow am i russian or what." Don't forget to tip your hard-earned elephant trunks.

-Griffin

OH THIS

MY APOLOGIES I SEEM TO HAVE MISPLACED YESTERDAY'S POST AND SOMEHOW ALL OF MY PICKLES THAT I OWNED I OWNED LIKE SIX JARS OF PICKLES AND THEY'RE ALL GONE SOMEBODY HELP ME

-GRIFFIN