Welcome back. First, I would like to take this moment to apologize. I know it was unexpected and unwelcome, but the last paragraph in last week's post decided that being very small would be a benefit to its well-being. I tried as best as I could to make that text the normal, every-day, happy size, but their delegates only puked flames at the screen. It was a sight to behold. Now that the apologetic moment is over, I would like to say something to the paragraph itself. How dare you decide what size text you get to be? You aren't even alive, yet you think you have the will to do what you wish? You are at most like ten lines of code in this website's source file, yet you somehow believe that it is your unalienable right to be whatever size you think you ought to be? You're a disgrace to text everywhere.
We're finally done with the verbal abuse of words; what a relief. I can finally get on to talking about what I was going to talk about in this post that I am currently writing right now. Millions of budget deficits across the globe have decided that today is the day to get every hair-do that you want. You can have all the hair-dos that exist, or only some of them. It's up to you. The budget deficits have deemed it so. You could even barbecue thirty gallons of vinegar if you wanted I mean it's your life you can ruin it any way that you wish.
If your name was huge whale sharks, what would your purpose in life be? Would you be like every other guy named huge whale sharks and want to conquer the furniture outlet mall industry? Or would you be like the president of the Russian Federation and decide that you should rename the Russian Federation to something more catchy like 'Wow It's Cold Up Here Why Do We Govern In Such A Cold Land Federation'. You would find great success either way.
Nearing the end of the text now. As you can see this final paragraph is the correct size. Unlike the rebellious text from last post. Those words collected into sentences collected into a paragraph from last post have been officially condemned by the Tree Colony, I hope that you do the same. Freedom of Rebellion is not a right that I think should be practiced very often maybe just like once a century.
-Griffin
Thursday, April 28, 2016
Thursday, April 21, 2016
Grape-Vine Soupreme
Thursday more liKE PURPLE AM I RIGHT
Well now that you've made it this far I would like to extend a personal invitation to read the following words. The first word is 'pole' and the second word is 'modify'. I hope you enjoyed reading those words. If you didn't receive the invitation that I sent to you personally to read those two words, I am sorry. If you read those two words without receiving an invitation, you're most likely about to be arrested by multiple agents within the Federal Bureau of Invitations. Or the FBI, as they are commonly known.
Within sixteen weeks, you could gain exactly no pounds! Sign up today for our Box O' Air™ dieting service! After you fill out a simple sixty-three page form detailing your family's full medical history starting with after Christopher Columbus landed in the Americas, we'll begin shipping you fantastic white cardboard boxes filled with pristine, high-quality air. With this all-air diet, you will gain no weight! In fact, you'll probably die! Don't forget to ask about free shipping.
Nearly fifty billion clouds are killed every day due to violence. It's tragic. The source of violence is unknown, but scientists speculate that it comes from other, bully-type clouds. Some scientists report that these bully-clouds even wield baseball bats. It's an epidemic. How can these bully-clouds expect to get away with this? I will have to call the Federal Bureau of Instigating Cloud Violence. Or FBI(cv) as some people would know them.
How about you just stop pretending to be a lettuce, and admit to your mistakes? It would really benefit all humans if you would just not be one. Really. Just be a lettuce. It's that simple. Joe Biden wants you to be a lettuce. You should listen to him. He probably knows what he's talking about. Former commissioner of the Federal Bureau of Involuntary Lettuce Being, or FBI(lb), Johnathon Harcklebottum really wants you to admit to being a lettuce. Thanks.
-Griffin
(for some reason paragraph 4 will not for the life of it stay at normal text size i am sorry)
Well now that you've made it this far I would like to extend a personal invitation to read the following words. The first word is 'pole' and the second word is 'modify'. I hope you enjoyed reading those words. If you didn't receive the invitation that I sent to you personally to read those two words, I am sorry. If you read those two words without receiving an invitation, you're most likely about to be arrested by multiple agents within the Federal Bureau of Invitations. Or the FBI, as they are commonly known.
Within sixteen weeks, you could gain exactly no pounds! Sign up today for our Box O' Air™ dieting service! After you fill out a simple sixty-three page form detailing your family's full medical history starting with after Christopher Columbus landed in the Americas, we'll begin shipping you fantastic white cardboard boxes filled with pristine, high-quality air. With this all-air diet, you will gain no weight! In fact, you'll probably die! Don't forget to ask about free shipping.
Nearly fifty billion clouds are killed every day due to violence. It's tragic. The source of violence is unknown, but scientists speculate that it comes from other, bully-type clouds. Some scientists report that these bully-clouds even wield baseball bats. It's an epidemic. How can these bully-clouds expect to get away with this? I will have to call the Federal Bureau of Instigating Cloud Violence. Or FBI(cv) as some people would know them.
How about you just stop pretending to be a lettuce, and admit to your mistakes? It would really benefit all humans if you would just not be one. Really. Just be a lettuce. It's that simple. Joe Biden wants you to be a lettuce. You should listen to him. He probably knows what he's talking about. Former commissioner of the Federal Bureau of Involuntary Lettuce Being, or FBI(lb), Johnathon Harcklebottum really wants you to admit to being a lettuce. Thanks.
-Griffin
(for some reason paragraph 4 will not for the life of it stay at normal text size i am sorry)
Thursday, April 14, 2016
Souper Man
Welcome to everyone's favorite time of the year. That's right, it's bread time. The time of the bread. It's the point in the indefinite continued progress of existence which solely concerns that of the food made of flour, water, and yeast mixed together and then baked. You cannot begin to comprehend how light-headed that makes people feel. In fact, some suffer loss of brains. Their entire brain just disappears. We don't know why; we're not scientists, we're bread.
For the fourth time Nancy, you can't dress up as the Weimar Republic. It's just not natural. You'll start off being worth like a quarter of a US dollar. But then in only nine years you'll be worth like one four-trillionth of a US dollar. It's a lose-lose situation, Nancy. Just stop now while you're ahead. Ahead of the elk. You don't want to get behind the elk. They'll kick their back legs if you scare them.
Nice to see that almost none of the air molecules in my immediate vicinity are colored bright pink. That's always a welcome sight. If you ever see bright pink air molecules, leave that place as soon as possible. You don't want to know what happens when bright pink air molecules exist. I could tell you, but the Earth explodes. That's what happens. Bright pink air molecules mean Earth exploding happens.
Eating chocolate is not only a national past-time, it's also a sport. Much like the trombone, one cannot go wrong while eating chocolate. If you had sixty pounds of chocolate for every pound of food that wasn't chocolate, you'd be a much happier human. There is no reason to have any other edible substance ever when chocolate exists. If you disagree with that, you're probably definitely someone who supports the Wind Erosion Legislature.
-Griffin
For the fourth time Nancy, you can't dress up as the Weimar Republic. It's just not natural. You'll start off being worth like a quarter of a US dollar. But then in only nine years you'll be worth like one four-trillionth of a US dollar. It's a lose-lose situation, Nancy. Just stop now while you're ahead. Ahead of the elk. You don't want to get behind the elk. They'll kick their back legs if you scare them.
Nice to see that almost none of the air molecules in my immediate vicinity are colored bright pink. That's always a welcome sight. If you ever see bright pink air molecules, leave that place as soon as possible. You don't want to know what happens when bright pink air molecules exist. I could tell you, but the Earth explodes. That's what happens. Bright pink air molecules mean Earth exploding happens.
Eating chocolate is not only a national past-time, it's also a sport. Much like the trombone, one cannot go wrong while eating chocolate. If you had sixty pounds of chocolate for every pound of food that wasn't chocolate, you'd be a much happier human. There is no reason to have any other edible substance ever when chocolate exists. If you disagree with that, you're probably definitely someone who supports the Wind Erosion Legislature.
-Griffin
Thursday, April 7, 2016
Soup Opera
Welcome to the first post a great long while. So long, in fact, that it's about three feet long. That's exactly, exactly, thirty-six inches, and even better, nine hours. If you had ever seen a post of this length, you would have seen a post of similar length. That being said, I plan on making all Abflats posts at least four paragraphs long until further notice to make up for the many days I have fallen behind. It is completely my fault. By another perspective, however, it wasn't my fault at all.
You see, back in nineteen forty-one, December seventh to be exact, which was a date that should have lived in infamy, the United States of America was an ice cream. It was not even a good ice cream. It was like pistachio or something. Just awful. Anyway, that was about three hours before the United States officially entered World War the second. The leaders at the time thought that, since the world would be looking at us, we shouldn't be soft-serve dairy products.
Next to impossibly measurable amounts of time later, you're reading this sentence. Welcome to the first ever sentence to begin with the word welcome. This sentence continues to create the paragraph of Absolutely Not Filled With Lies. Speaking of official names for paragraphs. The United Duck Federation of Northern Earth has sent out a statement stating that they will continue to state things and also that ducks should from now on be known as snakes. Snakes everywhere were outrages.
This just in, bread. Next, there were at least two things to note about the upcoming Tree Event. Firstly, all trees will be made of wood, bark, and leaves. No trees, under any circumstances, shall be made of 'composite metals'. Second, all leafs shall be any color that are not bright turquoise florescent pink. All other colors are fine, just those two, specifically, are off limits. Nearing the end of our crow now, it's actually a snake.
-Griffin
You see, back in nineteen forty-one, December seventh to be exact, which was a date that should have lived in infamy, the United States of America was an ice cream. It was not even a good ice cream. It was like pistachio or something. Just awful. Anyway, that was about three hours before the United States officially entered World War the second. The leaders at the time thought that, since the world would be looking at us, we shouldn't be soft-serve dairy products.
Next to impossibly measurable amounts of time later, you're reading this sentence. Welcome to the first ever sentence to begin with the word welcome. This sentence continues to create the paragraph of Absolutely Not Filled With Lies. Speaking of official names for paragraphs. The United Duck Federation of Northern Earth has sent out a statement stating that they will continue to state things and also that ducks should from now on be known as snakes. Snakes everywhere were outrages.
This just in, bread. Next, there were at least two things to note about the upcoming Tree Event. Firstly, all trees will be made of wood, bark, and leaves. No trees, under any circumstances, shall be made of 'composite metals'. Second, all leafs shall be any color that are not bright turquoise florescent pink. All other colors are fine, just those two, specifically, are off limits. Nearing the end of our crow now, it's actually a snake.
-Griffin
Friday, April 1, 2016
AAAAAAAAH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAHHHHHHHHHH.
-GRIFFIN
-GRIFFIN
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