Thursday, April 21, 2016

Grape-Vine Soupreme

Thursday more liKE PURPLE AM I RIGHT

Well now that you've made it this far I would like to extend a personal invitation to read the following words. The first word is 'pole' and the second word is 'modify'. I hope you enjoyed reading those words. If you didn't receive the invitation that I sent to you personally to read those two words, I am sorry. If you read those two words without receiving an invitation, you're most likely about to be arrested by multiple agents within the Federal Bureau of Invitations. Or the FBI, as they are commonly known.

Within sixteen weeks, you could gain exactly no pounds! Sign up today for our Box O' Air™ dieting service! After you fill out a simple sixty-three page form detailing your family's full medical history starting with after Christopher Columbus landed in the Americas, we'll begin shipping you fantastic white cardboard boxes filled with pristine, high-quality air. With this all-air diet, you will gain no weight! In fact, you'll probably die! Don't forget to ask about free shipping.

Nearly fifty billion clouds are killed every day due to violence. It's tragic. The source of violence is unknown, but scientists speculate that it comes from other, bully-type clouds. Some scientists report that these bully-clouds even wield baseball bats. It's an epidemic. How can these bully-clouds expect to get away with this? I will have to call the Federal Bureau of Instigating Cloud Violence. Or FBI(cv) as some people would know them.

How about you just stop pretending to be a lettuce, and admit to your mistakes? It would really benefit all humans if you would just not be one. Really. Just be a lettuce. It's that simple. Joe Biden wants you to be a lettuce. You should listen to him. He probably knows what he's talking about. Former commissioner of the Federal Bureau of Involuntary Lettuce Being, or FBI(lb), Johnathon Harcklebottum really wants you to admit to being a lettuce. Thanks.

-Griffin   
(for some reason paragraph 4 will not for the life of it stay at normal text size i am sorry)

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