Today is the day in which I am going to write this post. Mostly because the last post was on the 20th and 20+7 is 27 and today is the 27th and happy birthday. I'm going to make an effort to put at least one math problem in my posts. I feel this country needs more exposure to math. Like, if I were to say, that, commas, look. Sometimes I get emails from the ghost of Christmas past. His real name is Corppie. It's really weird, I know.
If I know you, and I'm pretty sure I don't, we should totally start a candle company called Candles Only. Our specialty will be garage doors, but we'll also install sushi. It could seriously be profitable. I had no idea what color it could be until I googled 'what color could it be.' I haven't actually googled that so I still have no idea. I'm sure it will be purple or something. Have I told you the one about the internet? It's got fourteen different flavored ice creams installed inside it. So, just go to your favorite news site, and eat your monitor. It could taste like pistachio or something I don't know what your favorite ice cream is.
If I were to rain immediately after large barn house animals fell from the sky, would that aggravate you? And I don't mean your everyday barn house animals. I mean rhinos and newly born giraffes. You know I just found out that giraffes are communist? Like what the crap? How can giraffes have the brain power to have a system of government that obviously doesn't work, but not have the brain power to be able to see that it doesn't work. It's absurd. I hate giraffes and their fascist governments. Down with parliament.
-Griffin
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Sensational Burning
Today is Thursday because the last post was on March 13th and today is March 20th and 13 + 7 is 20 and that means that it was a week ago since it was Thursday which means it is Thursday again. Thank you everyone. Have you heard about the professional cabbage sunbathing competition? It's where cabbages from all over the world get together and compete with eachother by sunbathing. It basically is just a big group of cabbages on the ground. But it's the sunbathing competition, I assure you. There is also a competition where sunny-side-up eggs do long jump. That one is in Oregon. I spectated those games on my vacation there when I met that yodeling hobo or whatever it was that I found I cannot remember it was probably a goat.
We should continue our conversation about the cabbage competition. It is seriously appealing to anyone who fancies cabbage and or competing. If you're competitive, then you probably like competitions. So point for you. If you also like cabbage, then you'll probably like the cabbage competition. That's two points mister. Do you know what two points can get you in this town? Probably not much because of inflation, but maybe a cheeseburger or something. Sometimes, in preparation for the competitions, cabbages will paint themselves bright pink to throw off the other competitors. The theory is that the other cabbage will see the bright pink cabbage out of their peripheral vision and think that it was another cabbage burning. This will force very 'oh yeah i totally got this' thoughts from the cabbage, thus making them perform less valiantly than they otherwise would. I can't say for sure if this strategy works, but I know some cabbages that do this just in case.
If we were to talk about meatloaf in this third, and final, paragraph, would that offend you? I mean, I know talking about Salisbury steak has the possibility of offending some people. I am not sure about meatloaf though. It's just like hamburger meat cooked in the shape of a loaf of bread. It's really good. There's some spicy kinds that you can make, and it goes well with ketchup. I really hope this doesn't offend you because I just talked about it. Four the future depends diapers.
-Griffin
We should continue our conversation about the cabbage competition. It is seriously appealing to anyone who fancies cabbage and or competing. If you're competitive, then you probably like competitions. So point for you. If you also like cabbage, then you'll probably like the cabbage competition. That's two points mister. Do you know what two points can get you in this town? Probably not much because of inflation, but maybe a cheeseburger or something. Sometimes, in preparation for the competitions, cabbages will paint themselves bright pink to throw off the other competitors. The theory is that the other cabbage will see the bright pink cabbage out of their peripheral vision and think that it was another cabbage burning. This will force very 'oh yeah i totally got this' thoughts from the cabbage, thus making them perform less valiantly than they otherwise would. I can't say for sure if this strategy works, but I know some cabbages that do this just in case.
If we were to talk about meatloaf in this third, and final, paragraph, would that offend you? I mean, I know talking about Salisbury steak has the possibility of offending some people. I am not sure about meatloaf though. It's just like hamburger meat cooked in the shape of a loaf of bread. It's really good. There's some spicy kinds that you can make, and it goes well with ketchup. I really hope this doesn't offend you because I just talked about it. Four the future depends diapers.
-Griffin
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Lamps and How to Infiltrate Their Families
Today, I am going to do something different. I am going to talk about lamps and how to infiltrate their families. By reading this, you have signed up for this mission that we have been given by intelligently colored rocks. We were assigned to figure out why lamps have families and how they act with said families. I have a few steps in mind in order to get to the bottom of this major social dilemma. It's very important that we complete this in a timely manner. Because if we don't, lamps will continue to have families and we will have no idea why or how they act with those families. Why on earth would you want to postpone this extremely important gathering?
Firstly, I would like to make note that lamps travel in groups. Rarely will you see a lamp by itself. So killing one and taking it's clothes in order to disguise yourself as a lamp will be a challenge. If, and when, we get a disguise, the next part of the mission will also be very difficult. Every so often, there is a mass gathering of the lamp kind in cities across the nation. We must get into that gathering and find the main, 'Mama Lamp'. Sources have told us that is what the lamps call their leader. We need to get into the lamp gathering and observe the Mama Lamp's actions and movements. We don't even know how lamps are able to move yet, so accomplishing this mission will give us a plethora of valuable information.
So, that is my plan for figuring out what the lamps are all about. I hope you will consider my ideas and possibly implement them into your own mission plans. If I can be of any further assistance, please don't hesitate to look somewhere else for answers. The lamps will be compromised, I can guarantee it. They will no longer be living in the shadows of their own light. We will expose them. We will not surrender. We will not negotiate with the lamp kind. They are done.
-Griffin
Firstly, I would like to make note that lamps travel in groups. Rarely will you see a lamp by itself. So killing one and taking it's clothes in order to disguise yourself as a lamp will be a challenge. If, and when, we get a disguise, the next part of the mission will also be very difficult. Every so often, there is a mass gathering of the lamp kind in cities across the nation. We must get into that gathering and find the main, 'Mama Lamp'. Sources have told us that is what the lamps call their leader. We need to get into the lamp gathering and observe the Mama Lamp's actions and movements. We don't even know how lamps are able to move yet, so accomplishing this mission will give us a plethora of valuable information.
So, that is my plan for figuring out what the lamps are all about. I hope you will consider my ideas and possibly implement them into your own mission plans. If I can be of any further assistance, please don't hesitate to look somewhere else for answers. The lamps will be compromised, I can guarantee it. They will no longer be living in the shadows of their own light. We will expose them. We will not surrender. We will not negotiate with the lamp kind. They are done.
-Griffin
Thursday, March 6, 2014
NEW but Not New or Improved Actually Just Old
Oh! Welcome to March! It's the month of my born! It's March! The shortened version of March is March! If you're lazy and improper, you may think that it's Mar. You are completely wrong and I hate you. If you do not know the difference between March and Mar then you should be turned into a pie and slowly cooked and by slowly cooked I mean put into a freezer and by turned into a pie I mean sent an angry letter and by put into the freezer I mean not send the letter at all. It's a really confusing situation that you have got us in, Not-Abbreviating-March-Correctly-Man/Woman. If I wanted to be politically correct, I would have called you Not-Abbreviating-March-Correctly-Thing. That, however, is dumb and you should be ashamed.
Now it's time to talk about the contents that will make up the second paragraph of this post. Because really, if you know what I'm going to say then we should just say it right? I mean, sometimes you just have those friends that are like hey you suck I don't like you and then later that same evening you get sad because they died unexpectedly. Everyone has a friend like that. If you don't know what I mean, then please ask yourself this question. Why do people I don't know keep sending me wall decorations? If you don't know the answer to that very personal and psychological question then you should probably be put to rest. And by put to rest I'm referring to the situation we had before with March and Mar. The whole situation just keeps getting more and more complicated in the large web of situations that are kept at all youR local banks.
There is a certain implication among the lizard people. Basically, they think it's a good idea to act like lizards instead of people. I simply don't understand this. If lizard people won't act like people even some of the time, why are they even called lizard people? Chances are, if you walk up to a lizard person that you found on a tree or something, you will see it just as a lizard. Well, it's a lizard person. They are just too afraid to show their real identities, even while everyone already knows it's half person. Really lizard people. You need to be transparent with your dealings. Stop regrowing tails and be a person half the time. Thanks.
-Griffin
Now it's time to talk about the contents that will make up the second paragraph of this post. Because really, if you know what I'm going to say then we should just say it right? I mean, sometimes you just have those friends that are like hey you suck I don't like you and then later that same evening you get sad because they died unexpectedly. Everyone has a friend like that. If you don't know what I mean, then please ask yourself this question. Why do people I don't know keep sending me wall decorations? If you don't know the answer to that very personal and psychological question then you should probably be put to rest. And by put to rest I'm referring to the situation we had before with March and Mar. The whole situation just keeps getting more and more complicated in the large web of situations that are kept at all youR local banks.
There is a certain implication among the lizard people. Basically, they think it's a good idea to act like lizards instead of people. I simply don't understand this. If lizard people won't act like people even some of the time, why are they even called lizard people? Chances are, if you walk up to a lizard person that you found on a tree or something, you will see it just as a lizard. Well, it's a lizard person. They are just too afraid to show their real identities, even while everyone already knows it's half person. Really lizard people. You need to be transparent with your dealings. Stop regrowing tails and be a person half the time. Thanks.
-Griffin
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