Jaguars and Panthers are Basically the Same Thing

I honestly have no idea how in the world I'm ever going to top last week's post. Like, I've been sick for the past three days, because that's how I do, and I still haven't got a clue if the last post could possibly be any better. I mean, I could talk about tires, large animals that maul people's faces to strip malls, or even mailmen. The list is endless. Like literally, the whole rest of this post could be a list of things that I could talk about right this second. But instead I'm talking about how I could talk about talking about things. ISN'T THAT IRONIC. Meaning that is has an abundance of iron in its blood. I've heard an excess amount of zinc causes photosynthesis.

I have nothing else to talk about really. I could talk about Absurd Flatulence's one year anniversary extravaganza coming up next month. But no one wants to hear about that. No one wants to hear any of this text. That would be creepy. This is text. It makes no noise. Can you imagine being at home reading some random text about nothing you found on the internet, and then all of a sudden it was being read to you? It would be like you getting an adrenaline shot right after you drink tons of coffee. It makes no sense, and is redundant. It's a scary life you live.

Could you imagine, for a moment, a tree that had a face but actually didn't? You can't right? No one can. It can't be done. You're lying to yourself if you think it can be done. I'm going to punch you in your face if you continue to back talk me. This is the third paragraph, which means it's the final paragraph. It doesn't have to be, I suppose. But it will be. There is no stopping the inevitable. I cannot understate the value that is brought together by leafy leafy goods. Goodbye.

-Griffin

For Be the Ejemplo

Good evening. The topic of today's post is one that is very pressing on the hearts of millions across the globe. The majority of the people of Earth do not know of ejemplo. That is extremely unfortunate for them. Ejemplo is the single most important thing to ever be noticed by a public foundation. For those of you wondering, ejemplo is not a Spanish word. Ejemplo (pronounced EE-jim-PLOE) is more important than anything you could encounter in the Spanish wilderness. So you can forget about that.

The reason this entire post is dedicated to ejemplo is because you're in no position to ask questions shut up. You don't need to know about anything. So stop complaining and enjoy ejemplo. Maybe I should elaborate about what ejemplo actually is. Ejemplo is a word that you can use in any way. It's a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, and even a Herbert. The possibilities are endless when you consider ejemplo. You could be wearing like, eight pairs of socks and not even come close to matching ejemplo. 

This is incredible. Nothing. Anyway, back to ejemplo. If you were on a search for cactus pears, ejemplo would probably not aid you in your journey. LOL just kidding. Ejemplo can do anything. Ejemplo can even make business calculations. Just in general, not like anything specific. Ejemplo is a great name for a local gold fish.

-Griffin

Clumpy Llamas

It has just come to my attention that camels are the ones with humps. Not llamas. This really disappoints me severely. It really needs to be addressed. This shouldn't happen ever again; it's inexcusable. I cannot believe how incredibly terrible. Llamas and camels should just become the same animal and save us all the trouble. There really is no reason that this should be a factor in plant life, but it is. Plants all over the country have complained about this camel llama situation. I don't believe it.

If your name was Mark then you too would also probably have an opinion. Whether that opinion is about Florida or the right to burn trash compactors at will, it's an opinion none the less. I cannot even begin to describe the amount of opinions there are, mostly because there are exactly 48,209,285.18. The .18 is because sometimes there are Marks that are unsure about their position. It's probably the plant life that does it.

Even though I talked about most things in this post, there are still a lot of things I haven't talked about. Such as credit card policies, cargo ships that cross the Atlantic Ocean, and the fact that walruses are really large. These, I'm sure, will come up later on. It's not up to me anyway. I have this large mountain of ideas made out of syrup and flammable gases that decide for me. They're telling me now that I must end this post. I may be held captive by them at some point. They mention that to me almost daily.

-Griffin

Melvon the Ronald

Oh hi. I'm here to let you know that Mongolia could very well be a unavailable at the moment. Don't ask me why. I will disintegrate. The reason that I will disintegrate is because that I installed an anti-interrogation system in my body years ago. The original theory behind my decision was to prevent the police from being able to ask me where I was going. I hate it when they do that. If I disintegrate before I tell them anything about my plans, they won't know anything about my plans. If cops know about your plans then they'll throw pies in your face, and it's really inconvenient when police throw pies at you. Your shirt will get dirty, of course. 

I really wish that bushes and trees could work together in harmony. Instead, there's too much of this unnecessary discrimination among the tree kinds. Why are trees intolerant of bushes? This is a question that has no sensible answer, because trees are senselessly vegitationist. It's inexcusable. They should be tried in a federal court. And by tried I mean burnt. All trees should be burnt down. This will solve our problems. 

Hey, remember that time I talked about disintegrating due to self-installed safety technology? Well, I'm apparently not allowed to talk about that anymore. My tree financial and business manager notified me and said I couldn't talk about that. Oh. Nevermind, my tree financial and business manager clarified that it was the burning of the trees I couldn't mention again. That makes much more sense. Even if you can buy a t-shirt. It's not your fault.

-Griffin

Rembo McLambardozi

Hello! Welcome to 2014! If you can't remember when that is, stop it. No one will tell you. You shouldn't believe in all those floral muffins. Muffins and flowers do not mix in any sort of description. I remember once, in OREGON, that Rembo McLambardozi rented a flower from the United States Government. It was really exceptional. I also think that it was really exceptional. If you can't hear me yet, try turning off your computer and unplugging your leg from its charger. We all know legs only hold about a ten minute charge, but that's not a reason to keep it plugged in all the time. You need to give it time to rest and rethink its life. Remember, you control your own legs.

Hello! Welcome to LEGUIMUS.POR. I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. Probably wind or lettuce pastries. You know, the ones that come in all your McDonald's bags. They're advertised as little kid's toys, but you know that's a lie. I mean, why else would you purchase one of those small meals. It's obviously advertised towards young or Chinese adults. It works either way I suppose. I can remember when I said remember in this post previously. It's wonderfully organized. If everyone agreed, then we wouldn't disagree.

Hello. I didn't add an exclamation point this time because I don't care about your rules. Don't tell me what to do ever inside of caves either. Are you, or have you ever been, a Latino Landscaper. If you are, then you'd probably be well versed in the ways of being a Latino, and the ways of landscaping. Happy Rambo Day.

-Griffin