Omnidirectional Hats

HEY! Do you like magical tornadoes? I've heard rumors about them. Apparently, it's Halloween. But since I can't give you candy, let's talk about the magical tornadoes I mentioned in the previous sentences. I remember being told that magical tornadoes live on a small island just west of Brazil. Why? No. Supposedly, they're bright pink, and wield lightsabers along with their tremendous wind speeds. It's quite frightening. If you ever see a magical tornado, do not confront it. It is very dangerous and can lead to severe injury or even death. So, just throw a wooden crate full of toilet paper at it, and then it will be on its merry way. The street it lives on on the island is Merry Way.

I also recall a time that mailboxes were a thing. They used to be mystical, hollow, cylindrical containment, aluminum, steel things that would stereotypically be on wooden posts outside your house. These jolly, dog hated men would come everyday to drop of paper and other products into your mailbox. It was like free presents everyday! Only most of the presents were things from a bank or an insurance company. Boring presents, but free nonetheless! That's a word? Nonetheless? I thought it was none-the-less or nun the lice. Either way, I enjoy peaches.

Green eggs and mucus water is like eating green eggs and root beer. They're all the same. Even if you saturated your green eggs in a pot of molten iron, it still wouldn't taste like normal, not green eggs. If you liked green eggs, on the other hand, drenching it in molten iron wouldn't make it taste any better for you. By process of elimination, I quite like the fact that trees are real. Thank you.

-Griffin

STUPIDS

MY INTERNET HAS NOT BEEN ACTING LIKE INTERNET RECENTLY. IT'S BEEN ACTING MORE LIKE A VERY OVER COOKED BAKED POTATO WITH RANDOM MICROCHIPS COOKED IN IT. SO, HOPEFULLY I CAN GET THAT SORTED OUT BEFORE NEXT THURSDAY. IT'S RUNNING BETTER TODAY. HOOPLAH

-GRIFFIN

Winter is NORTH AND ABUNDANT

Why hello there! You're now reading this! I'm not going to continue, because I've made that joke before! Anyway, what I really wanted to talk about was floppy disks. Or, floppy desks. More likely floppy desks. Like, what if you purchased a desk off Ebay that said it was a steel office desk, and it turned out to be made of very thin rubbery material. Like, if the desk you bought arrived a turned out to be made of the same material rubber bands were made of, what would you do? I'm fairly certain rubber bands are made of pig fat. I could be wrong, but I think there is pig fat in rubber bands at some degree. I watched a show one time that made people eat fruit loops with crude oil as the milk. But then pirates came and stole the oil at gunpoint. Crude oil is expensive, you know.

Everytime I press enter on this create post page, Blogspot defaults my text font to Times New Roman. Stupid Blogspot. Everyone knows Times New Roman is the second worst font to exist in the current age. Comic Sans is the first worst. Freaking Comic Sans. How dare you exist. What if I ended every sentence with a question mark? Would that remove Comic Sans? I mean, what if Comic Sans was Comic Serif instead. That would most definitely look worse than Sans I think. I imagine that Comic Serif would be inappropriate for children's viewing it would be so ugly. The font would be forced to wear a bag over its head. A BAG WITHOUT EYE HOLES.

Enough of ranting about how horrible any versions of Comic Sans would look incredibly horrendous because Comic Sans itself looks incredibly horrendous. I cannot express enough how much eating used syringes is better than laying just one eye on Comic Sans. Everything I do to ignore talking about Comic Sans has proven fish food. I do, however, like Pampers. They help people out quite I bit, I presume.

-Griffin

He Went to HERALD

As you could probably tell by the fact that the title includes the word Herald, the title includes the word Herald. That is absolutely okay. Nothing is wrong with that. The only reason I say this is because there is a group of axe wielding squirrels right next to me. Squirrels are in the rat family, yet many people think squirrels are cute. Those same people would rather have both their arms devoured by angry jellyfish that see a rat inside their house. Even if their house in just a tree. Rats love trees. I know rats, okay. 

Inequalities are really not equal. Why aren't they called unequalities? Unequal is a word. Inequal isn't. Why is unequal a word, yet inequality is a word. Unequality would surely suit it just as well an inequal would suit itself with a tuxedo. Either way, I just want to let people know that I am currently doing three things right now. Including writing this post. It's incredible. In fact, it's inaudible too. Like, you're reading this. So unless you have that Dragon software or whatever that reads text to you, you can't hear these words. Even if you had ears, you wouldn't be able to cope with the fact that you have no hears. Sears.

Now what if, and this is a big what if, what if the government, instead of giving us taxes, gave us number lines? What would happen? We could like plot points and stuff. It would be awesome. A lot more fun than taxes. What about rabid bee hives even? Those are cool. Would you rather have a rabid bee hive in your living room, or have to pay taxes. Oh, blogspot just informed me that I am logged in in another location. I have no idea what that means. If it means my account has been hacked by hackers, then I will have to cease this post's writings. Unfortunately, I can only eat as much as the LIGRIMOUS.POR

-Griffin

BUT I'M SLEEPY

Oh my, look how late it is. It's totally like, nine o'clock and I haven't even posted yet. Stop trying to tell me that timezones exist and that it's not nine o'clock everywhere. Because it is. It is nine o'clock right now when I am writing this post and there's absolutely nothing you can do to stop me. Go team! I once loaned someone half a goat. It was barely alive, but it did like to wear hats. There wasn't much I could do about it considering it was half a goat and it would be all like, super-not politically correct to not let it do what it wanted. It would go against rights for the disabled, animal rights, and I think the goat might have even been female. It would be bound for a lawsuit had I not let the half a goat wear the hat. I don't have the money to fight against liberal's way of thinking should they want to attack me financially.

I don't want this post to be about politics because all I wanted was to talk about half a goat. And freaking stupid government reasons made me talk about how it would be wrong to not let the half a goat wear a hat. But enough with that, let's talk about bananas. Specifically, coconuts. If you could grow coconuts outside of tropical areas, who knows the possibilities. You could eat the coconut, or you could drink the coconut, or you could other stuff with a coconut even volleyball. I mean, the world would be completely saved from world hunger and world boredom should the coconuts stop being so stubborn and want to grow in non-tropical regions. 

I really don't have much else to say. I talked about the half a goat and his hat, and I talked about coconuts. What else is there to talk about. Overall I think this has been a successful post. It is also late in the night. Maybe I'll post late in the night sometimes to spice things up. In those late in the night posts, I can rob a bank whilst doing so. That way we're all doing something new. You're not reading this since you're asleep, and I'll be robbing a bank. It's a win-win. Thanks for being there when my hamburger.

-Griffin