Milk Lives Matter

Welcome back, again, to everyone's favorite Two Paragraph Abflats on a Holiday Special. To spell it out for you, that's an Abflats on a holiday (today being Easter) for which there is no more than two paragraphs present. That means after the paragraph that succeeds this one, there will not be an additional paragraph. Only blank. Blank that stares directly into your gallbladder. Why, you ask? Gallbladders are a lot easier to find than people's souls.

There has been an abundance of fruit flies over the past few decades. I think that's because of the sheer number of fruit flies that have been present over the past few decades. Experts say the leading cause of the massive amounts of fruit flies over the past few decades is the massive amount of fruit flies over the past few decades. Little other contributing factors play any role in the large number of fruit flies that have existed over the past few decades. Thank you.

-Griffin

Ligaments

Hello once again and welcome back to don't get glad, get electrocuted. Registered trade mark. This time, we're talking about globes. And not just any globes, we're talking about globes with purple land masses on them. Not like the boring green and brown land masses that typical globes feature. No, no. These globes with the purple land masses are the actual, correct representation of Earth, the planet. It takes away what feeble imaginations children have these days and shows them the harsh reality of our planet. Purple land masses.

Correction: I seem to have made a mistake. It was my fault that I had forgotten that children don't exist. Silly me. The purple globes have nothing to do with children's imaginations, because there are none. If there were a single child in existence right now, do you think that any tree would still be around? No, of course not. Children are, obviously, herbivores. Trees are their natural prey. Allow me to express my reason using a two premise argument. Trees exist. Children eat trees. Therefore, children must not exist. It's as simple as that.

Now, if there's one thing that I know for sure, it's that one dollar today is work almost negative money tomorrow. If we really want inflation to stop doing the inflation dance, we need to destroy currency. To purchase something, you simply have to run an obstacle course featuring lions in small ponds, and sharks in dark dens. It's very treaturous, and you'll probably never get that smoked ham you wanted from Walmart. 

-Griffin



 

Don't Torment Me

Hello and welcome back to another glorious day here at abfl okay I can't do this. I cannot sit idly by while this menace wreaks havoc on our very way of life. I am absolutely appalled that no one has been talking about this unfathomable evil that exists in our world. This injustice to humanity will go no further, as I have taken it upon myself to become the world's great whistle-blower about this travesty. That's right, I'm talking about buoys.

For far too long, buoys have been the bane of humankind's existence. First reason to hate buoys is their terrible "better than you" kind of attitude that is just stupid and entitles. Second reason to hate buoys is that they're real, and not a joke. Third reason to hate buoys is that they are responsible for every natural disaster that has ever happened in the history of the Earth. There are many more reasons to absolutely despise the plague to society that is buoys, but you get the picture.

We, as a people, as human beings, must do all we can to ensure our survival. There is not a single survival scenario for humanity where buoys survive with us. They must go. We can not put this off any longer. If you see a buoy and think it's some stupid, innocent flotation device, then you yourself might as well be a buoy. I have worked too long and hard to have it all taken away from me by a buoy.

-Griffin

HELP

NO POST THIS WEEK SORRY I WAS PRETENDING TO BE A BOULDER FOR THE ENTIRE WEEK SO I DIDN'T HAVE ARMS WITH WHICH TO WRITE A POST SORRY SORRY

-GRIFFIN