Three PERCENT of all lumber are straight up made of fossils. Not curved down. Straight up. Fossils. Like when something has been dead for longer than thirty minutes, and they turn into a rock or something. That's fossils. I shouldn't have to tell you what fossils are. Though, I may or may not have to tell you what fossils aren't. I'll give a few examples just to make sure you're clear on the subject: bees, trombones, third degree burns, Santa. Those things all have at least one thing in common; they are all not fossils.
Next time you see a Lumber Liquidators, sue them. You can't turn lumber into liquid. It's not possible. What's the melting point of trees? There isn't one. You're a liar, Lumber Liquidators. Trees cannot melt, they simply burn and turn to ash sometimes. Other times they just stand straight up, covered in their stupid bark crap. What gives about that stuff anyway? Who allowed trees to call their outer coverings bark? Why do trees need outer coverings at all? Wood wasn't strong enough for you? You needed some terrible brown armor around it to make yourself feel better? Horrid.
Lumberjacks are the joke of the academic community. Professors from all over the world giggle in back rooms at the notion of lumberjacks. Simply put, professors think lumberjacks are silly and useless. If professors had it their way, all lumberjacks would be turned into something better, say a loaf of fresh milk. If you think that there is any academic mentor who likes lumberjacks, jump off the tallest one story building you can find into a small children's pool filled with tartar sauce. 1994.
-Griffin
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