You probably didn't know this, but there are about six hundred and seventy seven thousand different ways to be not soup. In fact, there are even more ways than that. I know that it's pretty scary, but you simply cannot deny the fact that there are six hundred and seventy seven thousand, and possibly even more, ways to not be soup. Like, you could be a mailbox, a sheet of metal, even a golf club. That's three ways to not be soup right there. In each of those scenarios, you would not be soup.
If, for some magical reason, that you decided to take out an elephant as a bank loan, many animal activists would probably not be okay with that. I can think of a few counter arguments, from the animal activists' point of view, that would explain what is wrong with taking out an elephant as a bank loan. First of all, what kind of bank loans elephants. Commerce? Probably not. I'm sure there are not many banks in the world dealing in largest land mammals. Second, what would the interest rate be for a loan of this type? What percent elephant could you claim to be interest on the monthly payments? It just doesn't add up. Thirdly, for what will you be using that elephant? There aren't many reasons why anyone in the Western Hemisphere would need an elephant. If you're in the Eastern Hemisphere, there are probably more wild elephants than there are banks, so you shouldn't need to borrow one.
Even if you could count to five, it would not prove that you could count to five. You could have just memorized the first ninety-nine numbers, and where they are positioned in relation to the other numbers. You may not know how to count at all. If I asked you to count to one hundred seven, you probably would freeze up. Your hands would get all clamming, and you'd start vomiting. I know that you know that you have no knowledge of how to count. Your vomit proves that fact.
-Griffin
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