Can you believe that it's already Monday? Me neither. I can't believe that at all. In fact, it's not Monday. Not in the slightest. If today were Tuesday, it still wouldn't be Monday. Anyway, the only reason I am writing this today is because of highlighters. For too long the slanderous behavior of highlighters has gone unnoticed. This must change immediately. These so-called 'highlighters' are nothing but narcissistic deviants disguised as yellow markers. Humans and highlighters can not survive in unison.
I, as the leader of the movement to rid the world of highlighters, have come up with a three step plan to achieve the ultimate goal. Step one is as follows: anyone who has ever seen a highlighter or has ever heard of highlighters existing must swear to an oath of silence. They must never mention highlighters in casual conversation, thus making the ink coated demons commonplace. My second step in reaching freedom is that we submit a bill to congress proposing the criminalizing of owning or using a highlighter. We will suggest a minimum punishment of ninety days in prison, though we won't have final say in this. Thirdly, to make sure we teach future generations the obtuse nature of highlighters, each American city with a population of 100,000 or greater must hold an annual parade in protest of the highlighters.
That concludes my plan to save humanity. I know it doesn't seem like much yet, but it's in the early draft stages. I do not expect the final plan to deviate much from this proposed one, however. I hope you concur with my thoughts towards this evil, inanimate objects. There will be a day, hopefully in the not too distant future, where humankind no longer has to be afraid of the dark, and will be able to live peaceful lives in the woods or in caves.
-Griffin
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