I FORGOT ABFLATS THIS WEEK OH WELL I GUESS A LONGER POST NEXT WEEK AHAHAAHAHAHAH CAPITALISM MORE LIKE CRAPITALISM AM I RIGHT
-GRIFFIN
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Thursday, October 22, 2015
The Only Way to Get a Job
Hello there and the other hand is the only way to get my nails are so much better now that I don't think that I have a good time waster but the best of luck in your eyes and ears. Green light for me and you don't have any idea what to say that it would mean the world to her house. The fact that I can get a new song is amazing but the only thing that could make a difference between being able to do that for me and you are so many things. Freedom of expression and I love the way I can be found in a statement issued by the end of the best way to get the hang of it. I'm at work today and I'm still waiting on the other side of my friends and family members of a sudden urge the government. Please fix this.
I'm not going to be able too many things to say I have a lot more fun if a guy who has a mustache is not a bad mood for use with a new phone case you missed it. I don't think that you can do that but I don't think that you can be used for a long time ago and now it's just not a bad mood for some reason. Zombies are so much better now than it should not have to go home to my mommies. The only way to get a new one for me to get a new one for you to be able to see the same thing as the only way to get a new one for the next two days after the update is so cute. Keep your mouth and a half hour of sleep last week and a new phone.
Let me know if you have tuberculosis and malaria in the morning. It's a great way to get the best of luck to all a goodnight. Low key role in the world is full version of the year and the only way to get the hang of it is not an issue with the other day and night with a new song on the other side of the year. Credit card for my life and death and destruction and then you will never understand how people can get a job in my head hurts so bad I can't believe that I can see. Snakes on a Saturday afternoon with my mom just called me and my dad just called me and my friends are so many people.
-Griffin
Thursday, October 15, 2015
Howier ManDELLTHECOMPANY
Welcome to this week's Abflats where I pitch you an idea for a new company. It occurred to me the other day that no one has yet to monopolize the windshield business. My proposition involves the hijacking of the windshield industry. I feel like my company should be named something subtle, such as "We're Stealing the Windshield Business". Our inventory will consist of every windshield to ever exist for any reason.
We will be a multitrillion dollar company. Our spokesperson could be Keith Richards. And I don't mean some knockoff brand of Keith Richards. I mean the original, extremely wrinkly Keith Richards. The one from the classic rock band 'The Rolling Stones'. He will be our spokesperson. Our company logo will be Hillary Clinton smiling incredibly awkwardly with an exactly three millimeter gap between her top and bottom set of teeth.
All the company needs now is a slogan. I have been considering "Cats Say Meow, I'll Prove It". I think it, theologically says a lot about our company and its net worth. Our commercials will then consist of Keith Richards standing on top of a giant pile of broken windshields in a completely dark room. It will zoom in on his face very slowly while all you hear is him breathing. You won't be able to see this, of course, because it's completely black in there. But once it zooms all the way in he speaks, in his worst French accent, "Cats Say Meow, I'll Prove It."
-Griffin
We will be a multitrillion dollar company. Our spokesperson could be Keith Richards. And I don't mean some knockoff brand of Keith Richards. I mean the original, extremely wrinkly Keith Richards. The one from the classic rock band 'The Rolling Stones'. He will be our spokesperson. Our company logo will be Hillary Clinton smiling incredibly awkwardly with an exactly three millimeter gap between her top and bottom set of teeth.
All the company needs now is a slogan. I have been considering "Cats Say Meow, I'll Prove It". I think it, theologically says a lot about our company and its net worth. Our commercials will then consist of Keith Richards standing on top of a giant pile of broken windshields in a completely dark room. It will zoom in on his face very slowly while all you hear is him breathing. You won't be able to see this, of course, because it's completely black in there. But once it zooms all the way in he speaks, in his worst French accent, "Cats Say Meow, I'll Prove It."
-Griffin
Thursday, October 8, 2015
Trombone For President
Good morning. It's come time again to tell you about my new idea for a commercial. In fact, I have two commercial ideas. The first one is for real estate. My idea is that there's just an old man, looking directly into the camera, screaming "EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY" for like fifty seconds. But before the very last time he says it, it jump cuts to a very close up shot of his mouth where he whispers "equity". That will get the economy moving in the positive direction. The next commercial I have is for bald people. Basically, it's just Howie Mandel standing there while the camera slowly zooms in on his bald head. He's not looking into the camera. He's just standing perfectly still while looking off to the side with a slightly concerned look on his face. We'll sell millions.
Now, of course these commercials will have to be funded somehow. Don't worry, I have a plan that will take care of that. First, we steal as many ducks as we can find. We scour lakes, duck shops, rivers, other places where ducks might be, and obtain as many as we can possibly find. Then, once we have all the ducks in the world, we sell them to the highest bidder. There are at least ten billionaires that I can think of that are avid duck collectors. Each one of them is willing to pay top dollar for any and all ducks they can get their hands on. Mallards, Pekins, Calls, you name it.
I have nothing else to talk about in this post, so allow me to just give you a preview of my real estate commercial: "EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY equity"
-Griffin
Now, of course these commercials will have to be funded somehow. Don't worry, I have a plan that will take care of that. First, we steal as many ducks as we can find. We scour lakes, duck shops, rivers, other places where ducks might be, and obtain as many as we can possibly find. Then, once we have all the ducks in the world, we sell them to the highest bidder. There are at least ten billionaires that I can think of that are avid duck collectors. Each one of them is willing to pay top dollar for any and all ducks they can get their hands on. Mallards, Pekins, Calls, you name it.
I have nothing else to talk about in this post, so allow me to just give you a preview of my real estate commercial: "EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY EQUITY equity"
-Griffin
Thursday, October 1, 2015
Practical Theory
You're welcome. I mean welcome. There's not much more to say than that. We've reached the end of the conversation. All's well that ends well, I suppose. Did you hear about that blackberry bush? Probably not. There wasn't one in the news or anything. Blackberry bushes, all things considered, are considerably boring objects. Of all the words spoken in the history of the world, blackberry bush is probably like .00000000134% of them. No one wants to talk about blackberry bushes. The blackberry bush scene hasn't changed since they first existed.
Speaking of boring things, I've heard that they're going to make hurricanes illegal. I think they said something about them doing this so that less hurricanes feel inclined to impact our coasts. I fully support this decision. Why didn't we think of it before? Obviously the reason we get so many hurricanes is because there's no law saying that we shouldn't. If we made hurricanes illegal, it would certainly deter them from forming in the oceans. This would absolutely benefit us; we would be saving potentially billions of dollars in damages. This is the right move to make.
If there's one thing that does everything right, it's Halifax. Those Nova Scotians are really lucky in that they get the city Halifax. Not only is Halifax from an alternate universe where dolphins walk on land and people swim in oceans, but Halifax can time travel. The city itself can travel through time. How else do you explain all the 1940's flapper records that are sold there? Exactly. The time traveling dolphin government within Halifax holds a monopoly on the '40's flapper record market.
-Griffin
Speaking of boring things, I've heard that they're going to make hurricanes illegal. I think they said something about them doing this so that less hurricanes feel inclined to impact our coasts. I fully support this decision. Why didn't we think of it before? Obviously the reason we get so many hurricanes is because there's no law saying that we shouldn't. If we made hurricanes illegal, it would certainly deter them from forming in the oceans. This would absolutely benefit us; we would be saving potentially billions of dollars in damages. This is the right move to make.
If there's one thing that does everything right, it's Halifax. Those Nova Scotians are really lucky in that they get the city Halifax. Not only is Halifax from an alternate universe where dolphins walk on land and people swim in oceans, but Halifax can time travel. The city itself can travel through time. How else do you explain all the 1940's flapper records that are sold there? Exactly. The time traveling dolphin government within Halifax holds a monopoly on the '40's flapper record market.
-Griffin
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)