Welcome to this week's Abflats where I pitch you an idea for a new company. It occurred to me the other day that no one has yet to monopolize the windshield business. My proposition involves the hijacking of the windshield industry. I feel like my company should be named something subtle, such as "We're Stealing the Windshield Business". Our inventory will consist of every windshield to ever exist for any reason.
We will be a multitrillion dollar company. Our spokesperson could be Keith Richards. And I don't mean some knockoff brand of Keith Richards. I mean the original, extremely wrinkly Keith Richards. The one from the classic rock band 'The Rolling Stones'. He will be our spokesperson. Our company logo will be Hillary Clinton smiling incredibly awkwardly with an exactly three millimeter gap between her top and bottom set of teeth.
All the company needs now is a slogan. I have been considering "Cats Say Meow, I'll Prove It". I think it, theologically says a lot about our company and its net worth. Our commercials will then consist of Keith Richards standing on top of a giant pile of broken windshields in a completely dark room. It will zoom in on his face very slowly while all you hear is him breathing. You won't be able to see this, of course, because it's completely black in there. But once it zooms all the way in he speaks, in his worst French accent, "Cats Say Meow, I'll Prove It."
-Griffin
No comments:
Post a Comment