Normally, I don't start out an Abflats post with the word 'normally'. But today is different. I felt today felt like a day that felt like when you would feel like starting off an Abflats post with the word 'normally'. It's a great. So long as Hal Williams doesn't get you. Then you would be in trouble. I mean, he's almost as bad as Alabama, the state. Alabama the state is really forgetful though. I mean, just look at their nature. They haven't watered their nature in years, silly rascal that Alabama. I bet if we annexed Alabama, the people there would still neglect to water the nature. The nature needs water, Alabama, can't you see that?
Speaking of Alabama, have you seen that new double decker mustache trend? It's a trend wherein more than the usual number of people can be seen wearing double decker mustaches. What double decker mustaches are is really very simple. Imagine a normal mustache on someone's upper lip, and then imagine another normal mustache right above that one, also on someone's upper lip. It's just two mustaches one on top of the other. They're pretty neat except for the foul odor that it produces that still baffles scientists.
It's really a mystery as to why buildings need to be purple. In reality, you would expect buildings not having to be purple. I assure you that they do in fact need to be purple. You may be saying, "but I've seen buildings that aren't purple before." You may be right, however, you have not considered the fact that you maybe don't know your colors. Purple is a mixture of red and blue with generally more blue than red. It's sometimes called violet by people who I don't like to associate with. You should learn these things.
-Griffin
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Thursday, March 19, 2015
How Did You Know I Studied Plant Logic
If there's one thing that I know, and I'm fairly certain that I know more than one thing, it is that there is of course. Without it, there would be no. And that is something, as a society, we cannot afford. We cannot afford there to be no. If there were no, then there wouldn't be any. Can you imagine none? Probably too incomprehensible. You just cannot fathom how little. I'm really sorry that you had to experience April 7th, 2005. That was a really horrible time for everyone involved. It was all my fault and I am not sorry I mean I am sorry.
Lake shows are a lot like gun shows. Some organization, typically the National Lake Association, will rent out this large warehouse or civic building, and have people from all over the area bring in their lakes so people can look at them. It's really great. They have a special conference in Chicago which lasts forty hours. There, people are given a chance to bring in the Great Lakes. It's truly a sight to behold. Like, imagine elephants sitting on a coffee table. But instead of an elephant it's a giant body of water. And instead of a coffee table it's a warehouse or civic building.
Tortillas are the worst people around. You try to have a simple conversation with them, and they just sit there being round and flat. What jerks those tortillas are. I heard that they even support the Nazis. It's a drastic measure for the tortillas to get attention, but truly startling nonetheless. I hope you read this, tortillas. You need to stop it. You're just making fools of yourselves. Please do not continue your dumb style of life.
-Griffin
Lake shows are a lot like gun shows. Some organization, typically the National Lake Association, will rent out this large warehouse or civic building, and have people from all over the area bring in their lakes so people can look at them. It's really great. They have a special conference in Chicago which lasts forty hours. There, people are given a chance to bring in the Great Lakes. It's truly a sight to behold. Like, imagine elephants sitting on a coffee table. But instead of an elephant it's a giant body of water. And instead of a coffee table it's a warehouse or civic building.
Tortillas are the worst people around. You try to have a simple conversation with them, and they just sit there being round and flat. What jerks those tortillas are. I heard that they even support the Nazis. It's a drastic measure for the tortillas to get attention, but truly startling nonetheless. I hope you read this, tortillas. You need to stop it. You're just making fools of yourselves. Please do not continue your dumb style of life.
-Griffin
Thursday, March 12, 2015
We're Looking for Not Bridges
If your name was Dwight, I mean come on. Come ooooooon. COM AOOOOOOON. That's not your name. There's nothing really more to say during this Abflats post, so I will just simply fill the rest of the space with sentences and words. If you cannot breathe, don't try. Why waste your energy on something you can't succeed at? Don't waist it either, because that's not a verb. Silk worms are about the same as regular worms except they were produced in a factory China. They're also polyester, not real silk.
What does a physical number look like? I mean, like a real number? Not the amount of something there, I mean the number itself. What do they look like? What do they smell like? Do you think number five smells like berries? Maybe thirteen smells like detergent. Maybe the government is getting all these smells for berries and laundry detergent from their secret number farm in South Dakota. We should demand Obama tell us about the number farms. Us, as tax payers, deserve to know where our smells are coming from.
What if it was raining so hard that the entire atmosphere turned into water, and the drops falling from the sky was actually air? That would be a magical time. I mean, what if you saw a puffer fish flying by your mailbox. That would be amazing. Puffer fish are hilarious I mean they're like living balloons. What if a child put on his Christmas list that he wanted Santa to attend his birthday party? Would the world explode? I suspect so.
-Griffin
What does a physical number look like? I mean, like a real number? Not the amount of something there, I mean the number itself. What do they look like? What do they smell like? Do you think number five smells like berries? Maybe thirteen smells like detergent. Maybe the government is getting all these smells for berries and laundry detergent from their secret number farm in South Dakota. We should demand Obama tell us about the number farms. Us, as tax payers, deserve to know where our smells are coming from.
What if it was raining so hard that the entire atmosphere turned into water, and the drops falling from the sky was actually air? That would be a magical time. I mean, what if you saw a puffer fish flying by your mailbox. That would be amazing. Puffer fish are hilarious I mean they're like living balloons. What if a child put on his Christmas list that he wanted Santa to attend his birthday party? Would the world explode? I suspect so.
-Griffin
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Determining Hip Velocity
Welcome to the time in which now is the time in which it is right now. Why yes, that is one way to skin a cat. However, I would just like to point out that you have just stabbed a watermelon, and in no way are you removing the skin on a cat. You selfish human being. You probably wear a balaclava, don't you? You're probably one of those people who showed up to science class that one day wearing a black balaclava and carrying a watermelon in one arm and a machete in the opposite hand. Then when the teacher instructs you to remove the skin on a cat, you stab the watermelon whilst simultaneously screaming, "FIRE, FIRE, FIRE." I'm sure you're definitely one of those people.
Speaking of breakfast, did you know that facts are not always factual? Yes, I'm aware of the contradiction of interests with that statement. My interests mostly pertain to used, full-sized vans, however. There's really nothing you can do except get a good deal with no money down interest rates for ninety days when buying a used, full-sized van. It doesn't even have to be a blue van. It could literally be any color of van you desire, given that someone owned the van before you. The van may even be equipped with suppression capabilities. This means that the muzzle flash, recoil, and sound is all suppressed to where you can drive the van without wearing ear protection. No, a balaclava does not count as ear protection.
Asking if there were fatalities during a mass suicide of pigeons is probably not an appropriate question to ask a four year old. Sure, they may have a small understanding of what pigeon death is, but they cannot be expected to know what the word 'fatalities' means. They may not have even ever seen a pigeon before. They could live somewhere like Nova Scotia, where there has literally never been a pigeon. There will never be pigeons present in Nova Scotia. I'll make sure of that.
-Griffin
Speaking of breakfast, did you know that facts are not always factual? Yes, I'm aware of the contradiction of interests with that statement. My interests mostly pertain to used, full-sized vans, however. There's really nothing you can do except get a good deal with no money down interest rates for ninety days when buying a used, full-sized van. It doesn't even have to be a blue van. It could literally be any color of van you desire, given that someone owned the van before you. The van may even be equipped with suppression capabilities. This means that the muzzle flash, recoil, and sound is all suppressed to where you can drive the van without wearing ear protection. No, a balaclava does not count as ear protection.
Asking if there were fatalities during a mass suicide of pigeons is probably not an appropriate question to ask a four year old. Sure, they may have a small understanding of what pigeon death is, but they cannot be expected to know what the word 'fatalities' means. They may not have even ever seen a pigeon before. They could live somewhere like Nova Scotia, where there has literally never been a pigeon. There will never be pigeons present in Nova Scotia. I'll make sure of that.
-Griffin
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