Green Ducks But Not the Kind That Fly I Mean the Kind that Invest

Good morning to you! I don't mean that. Anyway, here at Abflats we like to ask the really serious questions. Even though most pertain to the Ukraine, trees, or Richard Nixon, we sometimes like to dwell upon other things. Such as dish soap, lions, Bermuda, and the greatest whales that ever lived. Either way, we will never find out the answers to these questions. I am not a scientist, nor do I expect scientists to exist within birthday parties. Therefore, no answers to these questions will ever be presented.

I'm talking about questions in the previous paragraph mostly because I would like to present another question in this paragraph, which succeeds the first paragraph in which I first mentioned the prospect of questions. This question is such that sends even the most mature of seven year olds crying to their bedrooms. The question is: do you ever just dream about taking trips to Australia, then taking a trip to Australia, and then coming to find out, while on your second trip to Australia, that you were never going to Australia at all but that you were actually going to this country that borders Russia to the south by the name of Zepe wherein the main language spoken is Spanish?

We must find a cure to this question. And by cure, I mean answer, obviously. Why would I even mean antelope? You sicken me, and my cat. Why would you even assume that cats can't get sick when you mention antelope? Is it because that work is closely related to cantaloup? I mean cantaloup is spelled hilariously, but it still sounds like antelope. Either way, tornadoes are not fake you freaking communists.

-Griffin 

--This week on Abflats teaches you English: Silly is a middle-aged man who combs his remaining limp strands of hair into an elaborate swirl over his bald spot, gluing them in place with hair spray and hoping no one will notice. Silly is a golden retriever who slinks sheepishly off the sofa whenever his owner comes home, hoping--despite the piles of hair all over the cushion--that she won't notice he's been sleeping there. What else is silly? Give two more examples. Silly is when clouds decide that they think they're better than everyone else and become fog because we all know from extreme facts that clouds are supposed to be in the air and not on the ground those stupid clouds thinking they're better than us. Silly is when dolphins become bank tellers and try to disguise themselves as humans very poorly but threaten anyone who tries to tell them that they are dolphins and not human bank tellers so no one comes forward with the evidence that they are dolphins.