Green Ducks But Not the Kind That Fly I Mean the Kind that Invest

Good morning to you! I don't mean that. Anyway, here at Abflats we like to ask the really serious questions. Even though most pertain to the Ukraine, trees, or Richard Nixon, we sometimes like to dwell upon other things. Such as dish soap, lions, Bermuda, and the greatest whales that ever lived. Either way, we will never find out the answers to these questions. I am not a scientist, nor do I expect scientists to exist within birthday parties. Therefore, no answers to these questions will ever be presented.

I'm talking about questions in the previous paragraph mostly because I would like to present another question in this paragraph, which succeeds the first paragraph in which I first mentioned the prospect of questions. This question is such that sends even the most mature of seven year olds crying to their bedrooms. The question is: do you ever just dream about taking trips to Australia, then taking a trip to Australia, and then coming to find out, while on your second trip to Australia, that you were never going to Australia at all but that you were actually going to this country that borders Russia to the south by the name of Zepe wherein the main language spoken is Spanish?

We must find a cure to this question. And by cure, I mean answer, obviously. Why would I even mean antelope? You sicken me, and my cat. Why would you even assume that cats can't get sick when you mention antelope? Is it because that work is closely related to cantaloup? I mean cantaloup is spelled hilariously, but it still sounds like antelope. Either way, tornadoes are not fake you freaking communists.

-Griffin 

--This week on Abflats teaches you English: Silly is a middle-aged man who combs his remaining limp strands of hair into an elaborate swirl over his bald spot, gluing them in place with hair spray and hoping no one will notice. Silly is a golden retriever who slinks sheepishly off the sofa whenever his owner comes home, hoping--despite the piles of hair all over the cushion--that she won't notice he's been sleeping there. What else is silly? Give two more examples. Silly is when clouds decide that they think they're better than everyone else and become fog because we all know from extreme facts that clouds are supposed to be in the air and not on the ground those stupid clouds thinking they're better than us. Silly is when dolphins become bank tellers and try to disguise themselves as humans very poorly but threaten anyone who tries to tell them that they are dolphins and not human bank tellers so no one comes forward with the evidence that they are dolphins. 

Dumplings and Their Magical Fairy Tails

Hi. Did you hear about that one where I'm sick but still writing a post because being sick isn't a very good excuse to not type on a computer? HAHAHA. Well this is a different type of post. What makes it different? Hidden calories. If you had different flavors of hard candy it wouldn't matter, but the calories remain. Why can't you see calories. I mean, everyone else can. What's wrong with you? You should get yourself checked for insect bites because I've heard those can hinder your eyesight especially when viewing calories.

Everytime I write everytime it says it isn't a word BUT IT IS. I KNOW. I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE. STOP. There has been a lot of caps this post, and I would like to apologize. But, I mean, there's nothing I'd rather do more than impending doom. It's really quite simple. Impending doom is fun and great for parties. What if it was, in fact, treeless? Like, without trees. Trees are weird earth growths aren't they? Would they still work if earth wore a helmet? What would that helmet look like? A bigger tree? Or some sort of construction hard hat?

Sometimes there are news stories of grapes taking over small towns. I've never read or seen any of these news stories, but sometimes there are them. News stories that is. It's a really confusing matter that is a source of endless debate. Why in the world would it even matter? Madder is a word though. Even if your last name is Brown, it won't change the fact that madder is a word. You could even insert a Q into the word and it would be a word still kind of.

-Griffin
 

Noodles' Past Times

Do you remember that time when I had some words written on a text document and then it appeared on this website called Abflats? Well it's happening again. And I can't say that I'm a fan. Mostly because I'm a human. Fans wouldn't even be able to tell you they were fans anyway. Fans are inanimate objects and are incapable of speaking in any language. I mean, you can do that thing where you stand behind a fan and sing and the sound waves emitted by your mouth get distorted and sound all funky. But that can't hardly be described as a fan talking. Taking in consideration the conclusive evidence we possess, it's safe to presume that fans cannot talk.

Gravy is a favorite color of mine. Brown gravy that is. Not that weird gray gravy. Get out of here gray gravy. No one likes you. Brown is where it's at. How can gray gravy be considered gravy? Does it taste like brown gravy? I don't know. I very rarely have either types of gravy. Why is it called gravy though? Brown gravy is a warm, brown liquid that frequently covers mashed potatoes. Gray gravy is a warm, gray sludge that frequently covers biscuits. Why are they both called gravy?

Double take would be a good movie concept. Like, the entire movie is about different people looking to their left, calming looking back to their right, and then quickly looking back to their left as though they saw something that their brain couldn't comprehend the first time around. It would be hilarious. No dialog whatsoever. We could call it the Ray Chang Experiment.

-Griffin

Happy Belated Shoe Day

I'm going to do something a bit different on this week's Absurd Flatulence post. And that something different is that I plan on inserting an extra paragraph into this post. This will be no ordinary paragraph either, this will be a paragraph completely made from the word Burlp. Some of you may say that Burlp is not a word. To those of you that say that, stop it. Just stop. Stop. Stop. Please. Stop. That's like having a poster of a gorilla eating a banana from its side instead of eating the banana from the top of the banana and then having text over it that reads, "There is no need to be upset." 

I plan on putting this paragraph, the Burlp paragraph that is, somewhere where you would least expect it within the post. This paragraph needs to be in a place where you do not see it coming in order to get the full Burlp effect engaged upon parliament. It's a very tedious and time consuming project that I hope will be taken up by Doctor Seuss someday hopefully in Taiwan. You will never be able to even tell that it was there unless of course you read the prior paragra--

Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp Burlp.

Was that not a joyous endeavor or what? I mean, out of all the things that could ever possibly happen in a post that is static text that never moves or changes shape, Burlp paragraphs are probably my favorite. Of all the things that could happen that is. Reeba.

-Griffin