You thought that I forgot about this post again, didn't you? WELL THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS yeah I totally forget yeah. Well, I'm writing it here and now and I'm also very tired and this post will be shorter than you would normally expect because of reasons that I have just recently stated above this very sentence. It's really quite simple.
When you see a little girl counting down from 10, you certainly don't expect the video to suddenly zoom into the girl's right eyeball. It get's really pixelated in there if you zoom in too far. Then, of course, you have the atomic explosions that happen afterward. Lyndon B. Johnson might as well say that you will die for not voting for him. How rude of him. He didn't even have a mustache.
If you had a sixten seventh year birthday when you were twenty five, you wouldn't really find a cactus gift acceptable. Why would someone give you a cactus gift? That's totally inappropriate. Nothing, and I mean something, could not be worse than a cactus gift. You might be expecting socks or some bruised tomatoes, but not a cactus. Balloon animals will rule the world.
-Griffin
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Globin Hemo
Oh my you thought I had forgotten about this post, didn't you? Well, I didn't. The fact is I was planning on posting this at 10:00 at night for the reason of simply confusing you. How do you like that? As it turns out, I had underestimated how sleepy being awake at 10:00 at night made me on a Thursday night. So this post might be shorter than normal. Depending upon how fast I write these words that you are currently reading and that I am currently writing but not at the moment that you are reading because this is text it can't be live come on. If you really think about Ruffles potato chips, they're really just wavy shaped Lays. They can't fool us.
You would think that eventually I would run out of horrendously nonsensical titles of posts that do not pertain with any information within said posts. Do you think the words therein, wherein, and within were invented at the same time? I mean, we use within much more often than wherein and therein, but they all seem to be about the same structure. If you looked at the words hat and pomegranate, there's some room for a very well defended argument that those words were invented in completely different times at completely different places. But if you compare wherein, within, and therein, you wouldn't have much evidence to support your differing time created words theory.
I shall not complete this paragraph because then it would be as long as the rest of the posts. If this post is as long as all the other post, then my statement I said in the first paragraph would prove to be false. I do not like having false statements in my posts. It's just not my way. You could look at any North Korean news source and see plenty of false statements, but not here at Absurd Flatulence. Welcome to Abflats, we're more truthful than North Korean news companies.
-Griffin
You would think that eventually I would run out of horrendously nonsensical titles of posts that do not pertain with any information within said posts. Do you think the words therein, wherein, and within were invented at the same time? I mean, we use within much more often than wherein and therein, but they all seem to be about the same structure. If you looked at the words hat and pomegranate, there's some room for a very well defended argument that those words were invented in completely different times at completely different places. But if you compare wherein, within, and therein, you wouldn't have much evidence to support your differing time created words theory.
I shall not complete this paragraph because then it would be as long as the rest of the posts. If this post is as long as all the other post, then my statement I said in the first paragraph would prove to be false. I do not like having false statements in my posts. It's just not my way. You could look at any North Korean news source and see plenty of false statements, but not here at Absurd Flatulence. Welcome to Abflats, we're more truthful than North Korean news companies.
-Griffin
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Barbed Walkers
Two bees, or not two bees. That isn't a question. In fact, if I had known I was going to say that fifteen minutes ago, I may have contradicted that fact. It's very simple, however. There are absolutely two bees. Even if I'm wrong, and I highly doubt that there are flying birds, two bees would have to absolutely surely exist. How could we have all this honey in the world if two bees didn't exist? That's right. We couldn't. Two bees are the only thing separating us from no bees. Furthermore, if we had no bees then we would not be separated from those no bees. If something doesn't exist, such as the two bees, which in fact do exist, then you could not be close or next to it. Like, if trees didn't exist, no one would be saying that they are fifteen feet from the nearest tree. It wouldn't make sense. Even though trees don't exist anyway, two bees do.
I had something else to write about, other than the fact that there are two bees. I cannot remember that for the life of me, however. I'm sure it had something to do with magical cloud formations. Stuff like Abraham Lincoln. This world would be much different if Abraham Lincoln was born as like a teenage punk kid from Malaysia. He would wear those giant, flat-billed ball caps all the time and be like, "Yo, yo, it's me Lincoln." It wouldn't make sense at all. Just like those trees and how you can't be next or away from them.
I sincerely have no idea what I am talking about anymore. Please call the real Abraham Lincoln and tell him of my situation. What if he still had a beard, but it was on his forehead? They could call it brow-beard. And he could sail the seven seas in search of the last Sears. It would make quite a movie when you think about it. Enough rambling, though. That movie would probably be number four or five in the box offices the year that it releases. I mean, it probably wouldn't be the best movie, but it would certainly be up there. How about them wounds, huh?
-Griffin
I had something else to write about, other than the fact that there are two bees. I cannot remember that for the life of me, however. I'm sure it had something to do with magical cloud formations. Stuff like Abraham Lincoln. This world would be much different if Abraham Lincoln was born as like a teenage punk kid from Malaysia. He would wear those giant, flat-billed ball caps all the time and be like, "Yo, yo, it's me Lincoln." It wouldn't make sense at all. Just like those trees and how you can't be next or away from them.
I sincerely have no idea what I am talking about anymore. Please call the real Abraham Lincoln and tell him of my situation. What if he still had a beard, but it was on his forehead? They could call it brow-beard. And he could sail the seven seas in search of the last Sears. It would make quite a movie when you think about it. Enough rambling, though. That movie would probably be number four or five in the box offices the year that it releases. I mean, it probably wouldn't be the best movie, but it would certainly be up there. How about them wounds, huh?
-Griffin
Thursday, April 3, 2014
South American Idol
If you ever wondered what color it could be. That's all I had to say during the duration of that sentence. I really just wanted to give you a 'LAST WEEK ON ABFLATS' sort of preview thing. Hopefully that did its job well, otherwise I would have been really unhappy. Not to mention the really large and inconvenient giant electricity bolts flying through the air inside of your house. How can you live like that? You need to call someone about those giant bolts of electricity. I don't know if any local exterminators will do anything about them, but it won't hurt to try them. Cockroaches and giant bolts of electricity are about the same thing right?
Hey, how about them hurdles? You know, those things people run at and then jump over at the last second. How did those things get invented? Someone was like, "running is so freaking easy, I want flimsy plastic pole things that are waist high so I can jump over them while I run and hopefully not have any lungs collapse." Really, who invented hurdles. I really want to know. I tried googling it but I only have the ability to google what color it could be. Hurdles, as you're probably aware, can come in any color. Mostly because of the item called paint. That's the whole reason really. You should invest in severe weather updates.
If you could interrupt any television show with severe weather updates, I think it would be most beneficial if it interrupted South American Idol. Not that they're bad singers, it's just that they assassinate people while they do that. Like seriously. The contestants have silenced guns while they sing. The judges pretend that they can't see them, and the audience is supposed to pretend, but they're too busy being shot. It's really alarming but completely legal in my understanding. I really hate those reality contestant shows.
-Griffin
Hey, how about them hurdles? You know, those things people run at and then jump over at the last second. How did those things get invented? Someone was like, "running is so freaking easy, I want flimsy plastic pole things that are waist high so I can jump over them while I run and hopefully not have any lungs collapse." Really, who invented hurdles. I really want to know. I tried googling it but I only have the ability to google what color it could be. Hurdles, as you're probably aware, can come in any color. Mostly because of the item called paint. That's the whole reason really. You should invest in severe weather updates.
If you could interrupt any television show with severe weather updates, I think it would be most beneficial if it interrupted South American Idol. Not that they're bad singers, it's just that they assassinate people while they do that. Like seriously. The contestants have silenced guns while they sing. The judges pretend that they can't see them, and the audience is supposed to pretend, but they're too busy being shot. It's really alarming but completely legal in my understanding. I really hate those reality contestant shows.
-Griffin
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