Barely Below Boxingham Credentials

Sometimes breathing is a challenge for people who like becoming professional large intestines. Mostly because large intestines do not have lungs. But partly because they are fat and not in shape at all so they get short of breath easily. They really need to try and get fitter. And by fitter I mean Philly Cheese Steak. It's not even steak at all because of all the plastic protein. You cannot have plastic protein and still think you'll be able to qualify as steak. Why else would they hold the annual steak qualifier just making sure your not plastic protein event? It makes no sense otherwise. How else could you know? COME ON.

I would just like to say that hello and welcome to the Hemoglobin National Cup where the athletes are down in their pordapodies and ready to compete in today's events. I'll be your server this evening. Would you like to start off with a nice clam chowder? We have a wide assortment of quality couches at our disposal and we're not afraid to use them during a raid in your house. It's quite convenient for us to do this and we will certainly destroy your front door. Just because you cannot hear us does not mean we are there. We will find you, and we will destroy your front door because we will bring couches and then destroy your front door. Oat.

I really don't have much else to say about the fact that your front door will be destroyed no matter what you do. You can run. You can hide. You can even remove your front door and destroy it yourself in order to prevent us from destroying it. But I assure you, we will destroy your front door no matter what the cost. We'd rather let all of ourselves die just to destroy your front door. We'd even trade you our couches in order to get a crack at destroying your front door. Even though we will not have to trade our couches for that opportunity, we nonetheless are prepared for that occurrence. Just don't go to Montreal.

-Griffin