Hopeful Economic Down Flips

Do I know you? Fourteen, of course! How could I be so blind. Pronounce that with a short I sound for happy fun tims. Anyway, with Thanksgiving quickly approaching I though this post would be a great opportunity to talk about Santa and his magically mutate bird men. Peoples of the future, as he called them. Have you heard that one of Santa's favorite past times is giving away free lawn chairs to the Homeless People with Middle Class Dwellings Foundation? Like, not even the good lawn chairs either. One of those generic white ones. You know what I'm talking about. Everyone hates those things. Look at them being generic and white. Why don't they just come with some decals or something. Something classy like, "My name is Tommy Sullivan and I've come to kidnap your children." Or even, "How are you doing, this was a distraction while someone behind you murders you." 

Look how long that first paragraph was. That's outstanding. Oh, it's underlined 'Santa's' in red. Apparently, Santa is a word but Santa cannot own anything ever because red underline. Stupid red underline. You deserve no food with your meal. Just table shavings. Speaking of Santa and red underlines, I also heard that he donates horrifically flavored gum drops to the noble cause of Homeless People with Middle Class Dwellings. When HPMCD holds its quad-annual client party, Santa goes and horrifically serves his horrid gum drops. People complain about how horrid the horrifyingly flavored gum drops taste, and Santa just kind of smiles and points at them. Then he just goes to another group of people to tragically offer them some of his dreadful gum drops. It's a wonderful tradition.

I'd say that this has been a pretty good post so far. In the grand scheme of things, post like this only come once in a week. Mostly because I don't post more than once a week, but partly because this was a grand post. Posts from yesterday can't even compete with how extraordinary this post was, and posts tomorrow won't even come close. Thanks for listening but I'm really going to have to ask you to hello trash can.

-Griffin