Musical Cacti

Hi. I am going to do something different today and actually write a post that has something to do with the title. It won't be much, but it's a start. You can't complain. Or I will be very upset. I will be as scary as a superhero who's power is that they can grow a mustache when they're angry. It will be astronomical. Astronomically universal. Foundry. Anyway, hello. How are you? I don't care. But I'm obligated by the state of New Hampshire to ask. And by the state of New Hampshire, I mean the large cargo ship named the New Hampshire. And by state I mean the condition of the ship. My resources are telling me that rust is starting to appear in places, but otherwise still seaworthy. 

The cargo ship is brown, by the way. 

So, while I was in Cancun, a place I still have yet to visit, there were cacti there that sang. And I don't mean like, la la sang, I mean like medical bills sang. They ate sand as their meals too. It was all a real misunderstanding, but I still enjoyed it. They had helicopters and everything. All at the low, low price of really expensive. They weren't willing to negotiate either. I really wanted a helicopter, but I only had enough money for three of the four windows. So that was a real disappointment. I cannot even believe that they were yellow either. It's like they were cooking broth.

Did you know that you can order yourself a potato online? Why in the world would you buy it online when you could buy it offsphere. I meal really. Gravity takes a minor toll, but the potatoes are much more fresh. I can't hear you. Potatoes are extremely good to the face though because of the fur and dominance to other creatures. Political dominance. Like you would with hyenas. But they're mostly Mongolian so I don't see that happening very often.

-Griffin

Hotel Mangos

Good day to you SIR. Or should I say, OF. I didn't know how to end that second sentence so I just put a period. I thought a question mark would be a little out of place and an exclamation point would just be inappropriate. So I just settled on the safe side. Isn't it funny how the majority of this post already is talking about the second sentence of this post already? Quack? It's okay, you're not too fraudulent. I have no idea why that sentence decided it wanted to be ugly, and got written in the Times New Roman font. Everyone knows that aside from Comic Sans, Times New Roman is the worst font of all time. It's not everyday that every day and everyday are both words. Yes it is.

So this post should be posted on the nineteenth of July. As of when I'm writing this, it is not the nineteenth of July. It is the tenth of July. When I first wrote tenth I wrote thench. I have no idea why. Anyway, there is a neat little trick you can do so that posts will automatically publish on a certain date of your choosing. You could even like, buy a soda the day when your post is supposed to be posted, and it will still be posted. Like you never bought the soda at all! Crazy! As I said last week, I will have no ability to post this week, which is when this post will be posted. So I scheduled this post to be posted with the auto posting post button. That way robots can take care of you while I am in pain. Awesome! I just remembered that I will have no way of updating the image of the week. This saddens me. John Saddens me. Well at least I still have my hyperlinks.

So that second paragraph was pretty long, and not once did I mention hotel mangos. So I won't. Why yes Mr. Phinnigan, I am completely aware that mangos is spelled mangoes. You shouldn't try to correct me, because I can't hear you. You are nowhere near me, and I will murder your goldfish should the opportunity present itself. Now get out. You scare my cat. The bears.

-Griffin 

Ghost Liquid

Well hello there. Aren't you fat. I mean. Fat. Ha. Ha ha. Hey, remember that time I told you about the trout fishing trip in Mexico? Good, because I never went on a trout fishing trip in Mexico. It was in Utah. They have ghost liquid in Utah. All of the water that makes up lakes and rivers in Utah are the undead form of H2O. It's not my fault, so you should stop blaming me. Even Ukrainians from Oregon haven't seen ghost liquid of this caliber. And by that I mean all the ghost liquid in Utah carries a .38 caliber pistol. 

So like, this Friday will be the start of a number of days where I will be completely and utterly unavailable. This is happening for two reasons. The first reason is that all four of my wosdum tuths, I mean wisdom teeth, will be removed from my head Friday. The second reason is that I didn't have a second reason I just said two reasons because saying that this was happening for one reasons doesn't make any sense. So I will more than likely not have a post up next Thursday. To compensate for this, I will be doing nothing. You'll just have to live with it. If only there were a way I could schedule posts to be posted on a day that should undoubtedly be Thursday. 

If you're here for the melons, however, you will have trouble finding them. We only carry citrus fruit here at Cape Cod. So you can just forget about it. I don't care how many times you times many how care. That. Okay. What if like, Will I Am's name was Will I'm Not. Then like, his real name could be Charles or something. Greg. Anything but Will or William really. It's all about the filter. I applaud your efforts if you've been clicking the hyperlinks. You deserve a prize. Unluckily for you, however, I hate you. So I'm not going to give you a prize. Bye!

-Griffin

HOLIDAY

AS YOU COULD PROBABLY GUESS, OR NOT IF YOU'RE FROM THE UKRAINE, I HAD NO TIME TO POST YESTERDAY BECAUSE OF THE HOLIDAY. I AM SORRY AND I WILL BUY YOU A HAT LATER. BUT DON'T EXPECT POSTS ON THE DAYS OF HOLIDAYS IN THE FUTURE BECAUSE LIKE BUSY AND STUFF.

-GRIFFIN