Gerbil Leader

Hey! It’s May! Welcome! And I’m pretty happy that I’m actually writing some of this on Wednesday! You can’t tell, obviously. But take my word for it, I am writing some of this post on the day before Thursday like I should be. I’ve gotten into a bad habit of writing these posts on Thursday, which is the day I need to post as well. Much like rabbits have gotten into the bad habit of stealing my milk cartons. But that’s a story for another day mainly never.  That’s not your fault though; I just don’t have the time or the energy to make up a story about rabbits stealing milk. It’s not available.

So I got a call today from California telling me that my Chrysler was ready to be picked up at the dealership. There are a few problems with that information, however. The first problem being that I don’t own a Chrysler. The second problem being that I do not live anywhere near California.  They’re probably trying to get me to reveal my secret identity as Doesn’t Own a Chrysler Man. It’s quite hard keeping that a secret. Mostly because I don’t legally own any type of vehicle. I do own a trash can, and it sucks. 

Remember when the birthday cakes ate all the childrens? Of course you don't! You have the memory of a goldfish. Goldfish aren't real so I'm implying that your memory is non-existent! Hahahah! Hey, remember when I implied that your memory was non-existent? Well, I'm sorry about that. I was out of line. I hope you'll accept this Christmas card from me and the trees. We're all happy to give it to you. Shut up. 

Google is a very weird word. I once learned about this ancient burial ground where people used to bury hamsters. I didn't know hamsters have been around that long. What even is a hamster anyway? I know it's like a small gerbil thing, and it's not a mailbox. Mailboxes could never be gerbils, because gerbils hate holding mail for people. I heard one time that this guinea pig, the leader of the gerbils at the time, was asked by his other guinea pig friend to hold this package for him while he was out of town. The leader agreed and set it on his kitchen table. Then one night the hamster police were doing random home checks for illegal items and they found this package. They opened this package to find it was a bomb. They had to take the gerbil leader into custody because bombs aren't legal. That's why gerbils would never be mailboxes. Marry Birthday. Marry it. Now.

-Griffin