Impropical Plural Usages

I just realized how many words have different plural usages other than just adding an ‘s’ at the end. Realizing this inspired me to make a list of words with the plural usage done wrong. Like a hit list, only instead of people’s names that you want to kill, it’s words that do not have the correct plural form on the end of them. One thing though, before we go onto the list. I didn’t care too much for the taste of chicken, so I invented chicken nuggets. I know, I know. They taste the same. It wasn’t too good of an idea really. Now, onto the list I have compiled: 

Firstly: Tooths

Secondish: Foots

Tertiary: Oxes

Quartic: Fishes

Fifthic: Gooses 

Sixth: Cactuses 

Seeveenth: Deers 

Octagonal: Teeths 

9er: Feets 

J: Boxen 

 That’s all I’ve thought of for now. I’m not really sure how to proceed. I could think of some more, or take out a bank loan, or order some insurance off of Ebay. The possibilities are endless. Unless, you know, they aren’t. In which case they aren’t, I have a plan to overthrow the Australian government. I shall use a large 632 ton crane, and a bucket of bacon. Uncooked bacon. You can never escape me. All I must do now is code in my Graphical User Interface, and I’ll be set to go. 

If you’re reading this, I would like to mention something. You do not have any idea how many legs I have, and you never will. So stop asking. If you’re not reading this, then disregard the previous statement. If you are here reading this right now, disregard the statement in which I told you to disregard the statement after I talked about the number of legs I have. Because I won’t tell you. Ever. You’ll forever not know how many legs I have. Even if I told you, you still wouldn't know. Your mind cannot even comprehend the complexity of how many legs I possess. Please do not treat my lawn bad.

-Griffin

The Bacon

As you may have already guessed, it is Thursday. And Thursday means that tomorrow is Friday. And Friday means that tomorrow is Saturday. And Saturday means that the first day in the week that starts with an S is today. Some of you may be wondering why that makes a difference. Well I’ll tell you. Not now though. There are too many watching. Anyway, what I wanted to talk about today was the Bacon.

Many of you are unfamiliar with the Bacon. Mostly because I just made it up. The Bacon is a very devious creature. It can be found in many places across the world. Except Kuwait. Anywhere but Kuwait. From my studies, I have found that the Bacon can weigh up to 100 parsecs to the east, and only 51 to the south. I have also found that it can only live under certain conditions. There must be space for it to fit, and there must be light waves traveling through it. Luckily, those conditions can be met almost anywhere on Earth. Next I found that the Bacon’s primal instincts tell it to vanquish thine enemy. What that means and what that has to do with the Bacon, I’ll never know. I just was told by the Bacon to say that so I did. That’s it. Leave me alone about it. Gosh. Clerks.

Anyway, I read about this guy that actually discovered the Bacon. If I remember correctly, his name was Mr. Honorable Professor Sir Veteran Captain the Artist Formerly Known as the Pope Prince Dr. Duke Richardo Rickington Esquire Jr. Sr. IV, PhD. He’s a pretty nice guy. I remember him from that Quick and Loans commercial. Doesn’t have a great voice though. Look, the point is, he did not, in fact, invent Dr. Pepper. I know we were all interested in that. I wasn’t. You probably weren’t either. But we were all interested in knowing  if Mr. Honorable Professor Sir Veteran Captain the Artist Formerly Known as the Pope Prince Dr. Duke Richardo Rickington Esquire Jr. Sr. IV, PhD invented Dr. Pepper. Can’t we all just get along with pine trees and stop being so treeist? 

Wouldn’t we all like to know what flavor they can be? If they knew that they weren’t a flavor that they had accepted would they be sad if they took the liberty to eat pizza? Probably not. But I can say, for a fact, that my goal for today is to go to the bathroom outside my pants. You cannot take that goal away from me. Those are the best kind of goals.

In conclusion, this list of reasons is shorter than advertised because of three reasons:

1.       It only contains this reason.

Until next time, I’m the Batman, and you’ll be reading more new stuff next Thursday.

-Griffin

Nonions

First off, I would like to tell you that I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really hate blogging websites. They are severely overly complicated and an extreme hassle to use. I coded my own website, yet I could not find a reliable place to upload the files that was not itself another blogging website. There are plenty of places that will allow me to upload HTML files to the internet, however. Those just all cost things like money and lawn chairs. None of which I have to spend on website hosting. 

Secondly, it came to my attention recently that Nonions existed. I have no idea what they look like or what the are at all. But they sound terrifying. Let's all ban together to murder every single one that has ever existed in the history of all mankind. Please do not see this as an attempt to raise awareness. Because the thought of not having blind people read this post scares me.

Thirdly, I would like to formally apologize to the goose I ran over. I did not intend for our argument to get out of hand as much as it did. I send my condolences to your family and hope you the best. In the case that you die, please send back the insurance information. You won't need it, and it's not a part of the condolences to your family.

Fourthly, find that ID. 

I would also like to mention that I will try to make a new post here every Thursday. Though I may not live up to the promise due to how much I care and remember. I will try to accomplish this though. So, keep a lookout for that ID, and let me know if you find it. It is very unimportant to me, and I would be very sad if we did not locate it's position. I am confident we will succeed, though invaluable and valuable practically mean the same thing.

-Griffin