Abflats' Extra Special Magical Four Year Anniversary Extravaganza Post Part One: The Penultimate

(I thought this got posted yesterday I mean I pressed the post button who in the world would do this to me it was saved as a draft when I looked just now help me)

Welcome, all, welcome. You're all welcome. This post right here today is the first post in a series of two posts celebrating the fourth year that Abflats has existed. How exciting. The reason that there will be two posts is because two simple reasons:

1. The actual anniversary date of the first Abflats post, February 14, falls almost perfectly centered between two, sandwiching Thursdays. 
2. I do what I want

Lists are fantastic because they offer a great way for boring people to express themselves. Much like the people who invented bagpipes. What's more boring than bagpipes? Nothing. Nothing is more boring than bagpipes. It takes a special type of boring person to think up the idea for bagpipes. "Oh wow do I have a great idea that will revolutionize the music industry! Let's take a big straw, made of like reeds or some crap, and blow really hard into a bag with it. Nothing could be more exciting." Who do you think you are, person who invented bagpipes? You think just because you're from SCOTLAND or some other stupid country that no one has ever heard of, you can just walk around pretending that you know how to invent musical instruments?! Shame on you. Shame on your family. It is all the more evident that parents are becoming increasingly irresponsible if fools like you get to go around and pretend to invent poor excuses for instruments. 

Now that that's over, let's talk about Turkey. Not turkey as in the food, I mean Turkey as in the country. Did you know that Turkey, or the Republic of Turkey officially, is a transcontinental country in Eurasia, mainly in Anatolia in Western Asia, but also with a small portion in the Balkan peninsula in Southeast Europe? Actually, I change my mind, let's just talk about the food turkey. It's pretty good, I guess. It has like special mana potions in it that makes you sleepy or something. Personally, it's not my favorite. It's really really dry when cooked most of the time for some reason. You have to drench it in gravy to make it not taste like sandpaper. It's kind of depressing.

I would now like to call your attention to the spinal column. As you can see from this freaking diagram of a goat vertebra, the spine is pretty important. I mean just look how it balances out the goatee on this goat. Total hair control. I wonder if he uses Gillette. You know what, I doubt it. Goats probably are too stupid to shave.  I don't have anything against goats, believe me, I just think they're absolutely daft. Why do they exist? They're like a cheap knock-off of a sheep combined with a cheap knock-off of a cow. Just useless. Goat cheese? More like vomit. 

This Abflats post is soon coming to a close. But do not fret! Next week will be part two of the amazing Abflats four year anniversary posting tour! It's a tour because    +=error
Next week should be a great post. Take it from me, I'm against buoys. Goats have no idea what's in store for them next week. Their tiny little goat mind will not be able to comprehend the words that will be written on this site one week from today, you can mark my  , I'm serious.

-Griffin