IT'S MY FAULT I AM SORRY I WILL RETURN THE FAVOR BY PURCHASING THREE THOUSAND BOEING 767S
-GRIFFIN
Friday, July 29, 2016
Thursday, July 21, 2016
Dimes and Waterballoons
Hello and welcome to everyone's favorite vacuum that's right it's collarbones. Collarbones are so stupid. I mean, can they even read? I simply have no respect for a bone that cannot read. The simplest principle that make you someone that can read is your ability to read. Being a collarbone is excuse for not being able to read. You might as well be a social security number.
Don't you DARE follow your dreams. Buy a Cadillac. Specifically, one of those really ugly ones they have overly artsy commercials for to make up for how ugly the vehicle actually is. "We don't expect normal people to understand the extraordinary," they might say. Yes, you wouldn't expect that given your car looks like a diaper. I don't want to drive a diaper.
Ten percent of all percentages go up to seventeen percent of the real percentage for which it is owned. In layman's terms, koala bears aren't really that good at haggling prices at convenience stores. Neither koalas nor Burt Reynolds are very good at haggling. That is simply the natural tendencies of these species of wild animals. I will never forgive you for this.
-Griffin
Don't you DARE follow your dreams. Buy a Cadillac. Specifically, one of those really ugly ones they have overly artsy commercials for to make up for how ugly the vehicle actually is. "We don't expect normal people to understand the extraordinary," they might say. Yes, you wouldn't expect that given your car looks like a diaper. I don't want to drive a diaper.
Ten percent of all percentages go up to seventeen percent of the real percentage for which it is owned. In layman's terms, koala bears aren't really that good at haggling prices at convenience stores. Neither koalas nor Burt Reynolds are very good at haggling. That is simply the natural tendencies of these species of wild animals. I will never forgive you for this.
-Griffin
Friday, July 15, 2016
Thursday, July 7, 2016
Bunny Robot
It's that time of again to is the Soviet Union and I'm your host hello. I say again, I did not invite you to my sneezing chambers. You forced your way in. You enlisted the help of eighty six thousand dwarfs and snuck right in to my sneezing chambers. Really it's just a broom closet where I conduct my sneezing. Are you happy you went through all that trouble? You probably have a disease now.
One disease you could have is onion disease. Onion disease is basically when you always no matter what have onions drop out of your mouth 100% of the time when your mouth is open. You essentially become an onion generator. The onions are always always never not whole entire giant onions from the shores of Guam. You see, the shores of Guam are where the onions are grown.
Long envelopes like the most perfect rectangle paper you'll get like seven paper cuts in twelve point ninety three seconds. Tartar build up. You have to take the tray to the customer. Almost. This is the Iron Curtain speaking, you cannot breathe today, maybe tomorrow.
-Griffin
One disease you could have is onion disease. Onion disease is basically when you always no matter what have onions drop out of your mouth 100% of the time when your mouth is open. You essentially become an onion generator. The onions are always always never not whole entire giant onions from the shores of Guam. You see, the shores of Guam are where the onions are grown.
Long envelopes like the most perfect rectangle paper you'll get like seven paper cuts in twelve point ninety three seconds. Tartar build up. You have to take the tray to the customer. Almost. This is the Iron Curtain speaking, you cannot breathe today, maybe tomorrow.
-Griffin
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