Is it True?

Obviously the worst day in history was not the day maple syrup was invented. That stuff is really good. You can almost put it on anything. I say almost because the only exception I can think of is saloon doors. You know, those wooden, flappy doors that only cover the middle of door frame during the Western times. People wondered why there was so much crime back then, but it call be solely attributed to the fact that flappy, wooden doors that only covered half of a door frame offered literally zero protection against anything on the outside world, including crimes. 

This will probably be the last paragraph of today's Abflats post. It's not because I hate you, but it's because you're a Fig Newton and cannot tell time. If you could tell time, this whole paragraph would be a huge misunderstanding. Luckily for me, you're a jelly filled treat. What are your outer parts made of? Cookie material? I cannot comprehend the ingredients that go into making Fig Newton shells, and it causes me neck cramps just thinking about it. Don't migrate to North Arkansas.

-Griffin