Saturated Soup

I once understood how the Doritos of Guatemala formed. But then I forgot. It’s not very long until you’ll understand too. You’ll probably forget also. It’s a really long and complicated mathematical equation that a Japanese man says very quickly. He only says it once too. It’s hopeless. Unless your name is Hope. Then it’s hopeful. Hey. I just realized. People named Hope probably have scalps. Just like the people that aren’t named Hope. That’s astounding. I can’t really recall the last time I found someone named not Hope how with scalps had. Whilst.

Anyway, I wanted to infer something. And infer is the verby form of inference, and I sure know it. What I wanted to infer is what the two Ss in USSR stand for. I’m guessing it’s Saturated Soup. But I could be wrong. Like, the Union of Saturated Soup Republics. That sounds right, right? That seems like something that would be ruled by a man with a large mustache. I can’t even see it, but I can look directly into its leg. There are no bones in it unfortunately. They’re not allowed to be there. The bones that is. Bones in legs are like pie in cake. It makes no sense and is useless. Soup isn’t though.

The golden globes are just like the Golden Globes. The only difference being is that the golden globes are small spheres that I own that are colored a metallic yellow, and the Golden Globes are some TV award show thing. Don’t tell me how to live my life. If I understood the quack quotient I probably wouldn’t need to own golden globes. The golden globes conduct electricity and don’t pay for the amount of heating required to keep humans alive in Siberia. Even if they did, why would you care? You don’t live in Siberia. I can tell. I’m a doctor. If you did live in Siberia, however, you wouldn’t be speaking Latin. Because no one speaks Latin. Latin is a dead language.

City book makes salad. And by that I mean, you aren’t allowed to buy books in a Subway in New York City. That would just be weird. I’m not talking about the underground trains either. I’m talking about the restaurant chain that has a guy named Jared as their spokesman. Apparently Jared was fat before. Then he started eating Subway and working out and he got skinny. It was obviously the Subway sandwiches he was eating that made him skinny. Hey, don’t take anything personal Jared. I like Subway, and I like your glasses. They suit you. Don’t devour humans though. That’s illegal in most countries.

-Griffin